AIEEEEE! I've seen this before but it's still worth sharing. Consider it my celebration of the season.
It reminded me of an incident at Disney World many years ago, when Girlchild was around 2, and we were visiting with friends. It was the end of a long day in the Tragic Kingdom, and Girl was passed out in her rented stroller, flat on her back and dead to the world when Donald Duck decided to have a little fun with the sleeping child. Girlchild was at the time completely anti-creepy-big-headed-cartoon-creatures, and wanted nothing to do with Donald, Mickey or the rest (Snow White and Cinderella, being real and pretty and with normal sized heads, were an entirely different story - she adored them. She never did develop a fondness for Mickey and Friends, though as she got older Mickey and Friends certainly wanted to pose with HER. Pervs.) So Donald came over to greet the other kids in our group and then decided to mess with the sleeping child, leaning over her, pretending he was going to tickle her, until I said, "Donald, if you wake her up you are paying for her therapy." Donald jumped back, hands to his beak, miming horror. It really was quite cute. It was cute because Girl slept through it. If she'd woke up to see that giant duck leaning over her, with those giant plastic eyes and that enormous beak ready to devour her with one bite - I just don't want to think about it.
I'm really kind of surprised that EVERY child doesn't scream when meeting Santa. He's scary. And sometimes he smells like booze.
Somehow I agreed to make fudge for the office (and I was stone sober at the time - go figure) and of course if I make it for the office I have to make some for Girlchild, so I will be making fudge this weekend.
I am making fudge for the office because God knows we are not getting fat enough on the subcontractor tribute that arrives daily via our groaning, sweating UPS man. Tis the season for those who want our business to bribe us with gifts of Hickory Farms and Harry and David and other purveyors of expensive calories. Damn, do we have food. Cookies and fruit and sausage and cheese, and crackers and peanut brittle, oh MY. (Oh shit, I just realized I meant to bring home some of the really awesome grapefruit and forgot.) But the fudge, it was bad, and disappointing, and next thing I knew I was agreeing to make fudge that would not disappoint. I must have been high on sugar at the time.
I am so glad this very long, tiring week is over. Tomorrow I will face the terrors of the maul and do all of my Christmas shopping in one day, because yes, I shop like a guy. I used to shop like a girl, I still can wander and browse and spend a day every once in a while, but mostly I'm wham, bam, thank you AMEX. I have a plan, I know where I am going, and I will be out the door at 9 and back at 1. And I will be buying many gift cards, because in that way, too, I am a guy. Women aren't supposed to like gift cards, or so the media tells us. I love them. I don't just buy a bunch of random cards, I select cards with care, for stores that carry fun things I know the recipient will enjoy buying. A VISA gift card is blah, but a Sephora gift card is not. Or a Starbucks card. How brilliant is that? A loaded Starbucks card and your Starbucks-loving loved one will think of you every time s/he tanks up on overpriced caffeine.
I do not knit for Christmas. Unless it's cashmere, it's like giving underwear.
I did not put up the tree or otherwise decorate, and you know, I don't miss it at all. I thought I might, I thought I might change my mind, but honestly, I just don't care. Girl said she didn't care, (and you know, if she did care she's 23 years old and the decorations are in the garage and she could do it her ownself, but she doesn't care either). Mommy Who Has To Do All That Mommy Shit doesn't live here anymore, and we are both fine with this. I'm really liking this adult kids thing.
YES!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on the no decorations- we have done it less and less, now not at all, and I dont miss it at all. I mostly dont miss lugging it all up and down the stairs anymore.
And I dont even go to the mall anymore. All online, shipped directly to recipient.
I'm going to the mall because I have a couple of gift recipients who are of the pre-gift-card generation. Anybody my age (48) or under will get a gift card to an appropriately fun store, but my 80 year old mother needs pretty boxes with ribbons.
ReplyDeleteI had considered doing the non-tree decorations, the wreaths and garland on the mantel, because it's one plastic box of crap and it doesn't involve stairs or even a stepstool. I may still get a supernatural burst of energy accompanied by the urge to do that this weekend, but right now the odds are heavily against it. What goes up must come down.
I had every intention of putting up a tree last week, but, not tree yet! My sister has Christmas at her house usually, but if we relocate to my house, I will run get a tree. Otherwise. Really, why bother? No husband, no kids, not tree. Happy me.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand who wouldn't love a gift card--why would you want to risk getting something that you'll never use and either regift, throw away, or stash somewhere only to be found years from now and wonder where the hell it came from? Yes, a lovely gift that had been selected with careful consideration would be wonderful, but unless you're an immediate family member, most people don't take that kind of time anymore.
ReplyDeleteThis year, for all my office peeps, I bought a llama from Heifer International. I spent a nice chunk of change and can "gift" this to as many people as I want, all without having to set foot in a mall or wrap a package. I didn't have the energy or the heart to do that this year.