Seriously. I just picked up my cup and it was floating there. Spring is here.
My rant did and did not help, and I'm considering deleting it,* but OTOH, this is one of those issues that many of us have faced or will face in the future. My childhood conditioning leads me to feel guilt for even talking about it - "How can I say such things? It's not true! Everything is fine!!" but dammit, it's not fine and it's sad and I'm angry and frustrated because I know there is no good answer. If I intervene via the doctors I'll be the object of their resentment and there is a very good chance (about a 99.9% probability, actually) they will reject the offered services, and it will just create an adversarial situation because I "interfered." It's a no-win situation for me. I spoke my piece, I told her to get the help she needs, if she doesn't do it I can't force it on them. It would require me to "take charge," it would be very demanding and quite likely ugly, and I can't/won't do it. I am not going to let this consume my life.
I already feel like my brain is on overload. My job involves so many complex loose ends and issues, and apparently is developing its own departmental drama, and I come home drained. What is it about people who SEEK drama? I run from it and it chases me. I am not going to volunteer to make myself crazier and put myself under more pressure - if I'm forced to do it I will, but right now I have little leverage and I'm not going to get sucked down that drain.
*I did. It served its purpose, but ultimately it sounded more angry and profane than I really am. I don't want this insanity to make me that way.
2 comments:
I guess you took down the rant - but I'm sending you {{{{HUGS!!!}}}
Sometimes all we can do for our parents is to let them wallow in the stew of their choice.
I was about to tell you to leave it, but then, it can get in the way, can't it?
My thought is this: most of our parents, if we're lucky, did the best they could, even if it wasn't so great. We worked hard to come to terms with that, for better or worse, and move on, but who's to say they did? So no matter how enlightened or strong we are, we're still going to be asked to share their stew. And we're still going to have to push the plate away, unless we're willing to dump it in their laps. I have a feeling most of us choose to do something that falls between the sacrificial and the cruel. It's a hard place to be.
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