No good Girls' Night Out stories, other than the usual tales of Girls in Bad Relationships who are so unhappy and want to break up with him but can't figure out how.... Yeah, right. I finally told Young Drama Queen that she needed to examine her own motives and consider whether dating a psycho didn't bother her as much as she claimed and she really secretly liked the drama, and if she really doesn't like it she'd better unload him, before she ends up my age and still trapped in the craziness (which is of a level that will escalate and ruin her life, IMHO, but I didn't say so). She agreed, but will she do it? Naaah. Doesn't matter, I gave the Mom Speech, I'm done. Thank God my own daughter has excellent radar about psycho males and shares her mother's distaste for this sort of Chick Drama, and has avoided getting entangled in crazy relationships like this.

So the group consisted of one divorced woman older than I, my friend L, her friend we'll call Young Drama Queen, and a nice young couple who are friends of theirs (I said GNO went coed, didn't I?) Nice young couple ate and left early, and the talk turned to relationships, and I realized I was the only person at the table who 1) had a long, stable marriage; and 2) had no stories of the Drama of My Controlling Stalker Psycho Boyfriend (but I looove him and he's so sweet when he's not spying on me and screaming at me that I'm cheating on him....). Sheesh. L is starting a new and promising relationship and is giddy-teenager in love this week, with the emotional ups and downs that entails. I don't think I could summon "giddy teenager" emotions anymore for anybody, nor would I want to - who the hell wants to swing from euphoria to two day crying jags when he doesn't call? I've BEEN 15 already, I don't want to go back for anything. And I realized I don't think I'll ever fit into the Older Single Woman crowd. At least I hope to God I never do, damn, just sitting with the other woman depressed the hell out of me. We don't know each other very well and the "getting to know you" social conversation was awkward. Tales of little parties with her "girlfriends" (apparently all over fifty and dumped by their husbands) and other little glimpses into her life left me feeling very down and a bit anxious about my own future. Oh my God, what if I end up like this in five years? What bugged me most was the feeling that she saw me as one of her kind, I'm over 40 and involuntarily single so I became one of The Girls, and I wanted to scream, But I'm NOT!!!! I'm not going to devote myself to "looking for a man," but I'm also not against the idea of meeting one, nor do I think it's out of the question, because dammit, I've still got It. I don't feel awkward alone, but I do feel awkward and depressed in the company of The Girls, and I can't imagine spending an evening with a bunch of menopausal "single girls" voluntarily. Gag me.

So that's my cheery thought for the day - now I think I'll go do an exercise DVD. Now perhaps you young ones understand why I'm so obsessed with exercise and caring for myself - my ego needs it right now, bigtime. This involuntarily single world is scary and depressing at times. No knitting on Bardot last night, but sleeve one is almost done and will be finished tonight.