Exercise day: Pilates DVD. Rearranged entire office at work, including emptying and reloading file cabinets. Came home and walked briskly around lake w/dog, who now wants to advance to jogging - which is fine with me but he still does this abrupt stop at a good smell thing. We need to work out the "Let's not trip Mommy" issues before we advance to running, but we're almost there. I'm not worn out and I feel fine, but I think I'll sleep fine tonight. I'm feeling better after my I'm So Old depression - I can see and feel myself getting back into shape, my strength and stamina are SO much better than when I started this killer job in October, and I'm just pushing myself forward, day by day. I can do this and I AM doing this.

This weekend I plan to tackle a task I've been putting off - I will go to Lowe's and pick out cabinets. I have money set aside from the refinance for home improvements, but I've had to put them off because I didn't have leave time from work to be here when the work is done. I have leave time now, and I need to face going to my husband's favorite haunts without him and making decisions we would have made together. Home improvement stores are an issue for me. I don't have a lot of issues, but this is one. I know my way around them fine, but still. It's a bitch to go there now. It's not that I'm some sheltered little Wifey-Poo who let my "hubby" (insert projectile vomiting) navigate the Manly places like hardware stores, these are things that we always did together and it was a lot of fun, since we had the same taste 98% of the time. I can't go to Lowe's or Home Depot without thinking of wandering the aisles on projects with him. I miss discussions about plumbing fixtures. (Okay, so I really am a total construction wonk and the widow of a guy who worshipped at the Church of Bob Vila every Sunday, but this was our idea of a good weekend.) It's so weird to have to do this alone, without discussion and feedback from my husband about which cabinets to pick, do I go ash or maple, which countertop, and should I pop for this goodie or that? So I've put it off, but the time has come to tackle these things, and get the house in shape so I can have people over and throw parties (but not for The Girls) and generally get life in some sort of order, and move forward.