Saturday, December 30, 2017


Good morning my few and faithful readers. It's almost 2018, which is forecast to be 2017 but even crazier. We will all need to develop new coping mechanisms to resist the crazy without losing our minds. I know I need new coping mechanisms, because my favorite one apparently turned on me on Christmas Day.

I was hosting Christmas dinner, just a small meal with my daughter and son-in-law and Delaney. I felt fine when I woke up Sunday morning, and gave the house a last minute cleaning, put presents under the tree, made a pitcher of coquito to chill and baked an apple pie with caramel crunch topping. I got into the shower around noon, and something happened. I wish I could describe it more precisely, but when I got out of the shower, I just felt...funny. Like someone had wrapped my brain in layers of cotton batting. Yet I could still think perfectly clearly, and my limbs still worked (yes I immediately self-screened myself for stroke) I just felt absolutely exhausted and totally fuzzy-headed. My daughter and family were on their way, and I told her how I was feeling. She has had quite a bit of medical training in her career and put me through the stroke screening too, and said she didn't think so either, but did I want to go to urgent care? No, thank you, the last place I wanted to be was an urgent care on Christmas Day. And I didn't feel sick exactly just fatigued and fuzzy headed, so I opted to wait and see and go if I felt worse or developed any actual symptoms besides a vague "feeling weird," because emergency doctors love that.

So we got through the meal. I had no appetite at all and picked at two bites and drank water. (I love coquito and had no desire to touch it; we probably should have called 911 at that point.) Delaney opened her presents from Grandma. Her big gift from me was a nice professional style dance bag with her name and school logo. As it seems she's a dance school lifer now, it'll last her for years. Also Legos and books and an outfit. I was proud of myself this year, I started shopping early and got a lot of stuff for the girls on sale and came out the other side of Christmas without increasing my credit card debt.

My kids teamed up and got me an Amazon Echo, and OMG I love it! It'll have to be the subject of its own post soon, but this audiobook and podcast addict has a new best friend! I know I've barely scratched the surface of what it can do, but just being able to yell from the kitchen sink to play the book I'm listening to, or stream music or a podcast, is kind of life changing. Anyway...

They went home, and I cleaned up the kitchen and tidied the place (so clearly I wasn't THAT exhausted) before collapsing on the couch, still wondering what the fuck was going on. I pretty much remained in this state for the next few days, barely eating, drinking only water, feeling truly weak and fuzzy headed and totally shitty, until yesterday (Friday) when I woke feeling markedly better.

The most significant part of this weird experience, whatever it was: I've lost my urge to drink.

I'm hesitant to discuss this in public, because I've seen it go sideways with other bloggers. Anyone else old enough in blogging world years to remember Crazy Aunt Purl? Laurie wrote a hilarious blog in which her cats and wine featured prominently. And whenever she made fun of her wine consumption, the hand-wringing assvice from all corners of the innerwebs poured forth: clearly Aunt Purl was a raging alcoholic in denial who needed to face her demons, OMGeleventy!!! So I'll just say this right now: anyone offering that sort of hand-wringing "help" will be summarily blocked from commenting. I do not live in the screen before you, I have family and friends and a real world job which I perform very well. If anyone in my real life ever raised concerns about my wine habit I'd listen, but that has never happened, and sorry, "internet friends." you are not in my real life and therefore don't have a right to assess me from afar. However, I have no problem admitting from my own personal persective that my drinking had increased over the past year and it was becoming an issue for ME, getting in my way, so to speak. It's something widely discussed in the Resistance on Twitter, most of us have been self medicating to excess. It's time to address that.


Anyway, one of the weird side effects of whatever happened in the shower around noon on Monday is I have had zero desire for a glass of wine all week, and now I'm just curious about how long this streak will continue. I'm going for a dry January. Possibly February as well, maybe until Princess weekend. I'm "running" the 5K with my daughter, who is an actual runner and is running the half marathon that Sunday, which we are wrapping up with an early dinner at 'Ohana.

My goals for a dry month or two are: 1) saving money; 2) saving calories; 3) losing a few pounds; and the big one 4) focusing on my health. I've also signed up for True. The first quarter of 2018 will be all about getting my head on straight. And hopefully updating this blog more than once in a blue moon.

And now, please join me in raising a glass or mug of your beverage of choice (this remains a judgment free zone) in wishing 2017 a swift exit, perhaps accompanied by a fall down a long flight of stairs. Onward!!!


KatyaR said...

There you are! I was afraid we had lost you. So sorry to hear you've been feeling poorly, and glad you're better!

wednesday said...

Honey, I am right there with you! A few months back I completely lost my appetite for wine. My insomnia went away, and that stubborn ten pounds that would never shift just evaporated. So here's to a dry January. Hope you have a great and much less stressful 2018.

Elizabeth said...

Hi Catherine,
I do hope 2018 is a happy (happier?!) and healthy year for us all. Can't speak to alcohol or lack thereof-- I figure you know what you need and know how to pay attention to your body. I am really happy to hear that you are feeling better (hope that continues!). And I am looking forward to reading your blog this next year-- I love hearing your perspective on the world and reading about your family (both 2-legged and 4-legged).

Unknown said...

Happy New Year Catherine! I’m glad to hear you are feeling better, and here’s to a successful Dryuary. That whole “feeling a little weird” is pretty scary for stroke survivors. I do like reading your blog - you have such a sharp perspective on things. Take a bunch of deep breaths and try not to stress out too much. I found my Apple Watch and its Breathe Program has helped my blood pressure immensely! Blog when you can, we all like to know you are still around and kicking.