Long, Crazy Day.

My day started at 6, when Higgins screamed me awake.  After a couple of cups of coffee, I assembled my new open house signs (so pretty!) and got onto the MLS to research information for this afternoon's open house.  This is the open house I didn't actually select or plan, but was doing more or less as a favor with another agent who claims to be nervous working open houses alone.  It's in a gorgeous established neighborhood - I'd previewed it the day before - and I was far more concerned with whether the power was on and the a/c was working. Worrying about my own safety was about #48 on my list of 50 things I had to think about.  So, I'm doing my research, printing useful information, getting my usual open house stuff together, when the other agent texts me to say she's so busy with domestic stuff she wasn't sure she could do it.

I was somewhat taken aback, as the day before she'd said she was going to put an ad online to promote it, and once you advertise it I think that short of a truly dire emergency, the show must go on.  Having laundry to do does not qualify.  So I took a deep breath and asked if she'd advertised it as she said she would. Turns out, um, she didn't advertise...she was so busy with family stuff!

Okayfine (I'm gritting teeth now, because I'd just spent valuable goofing off online time getting ready) do you not want to do it?   So she calls me, and Oh no, she says, she really needs to do it, but she needs me to push her.  I need to guide her and help her and push her and motivate her!

WTFUCKINGFUCKITYFUCK???  When on EARTH did "I'll keep you company for an open house or two if you're nervous?" become, "I'll encourage and nag and nurture you, and make you do what you should be doing?"  I have my OWN business to deal with, and I am NOT your coach, mentor, or mommy.

Oh, that was only the start of the madness.  Where was I? Let's recap: She didn't advertise it, she didn't research it, or lift even her little finger to get ready for it, and somehow in her head we are now some sort of team, because she "needs" me?

 I decided right then and there that though I would go through with this fiasco if it happened at all, because I'd already planned to do it, I would nip this "Next time!" shit firmly in the bud.  There will be no next time.   Oh, hells no.

So we conclude this phone conversation, and I agree to meet her at the office in the afternoon.  I'm just hating myself for ever being dumb enough to agree to do this in the first place, but whatever, I had no other major, pressing plans.

After we get off the phone I get another text: "Do you have a nice sign-in sheet?" Yes, of course I do, but  for the sake of my blood pressure I don't respond.  Surely, surely she can make one while she's getting ready, right?  

So I had plans this morning, a standing coffee meeting with a group of women I like very much, and I went to that and we had a great time, and I hurried back to get to the office to meet this lady to do this open house.  I'm running late, but I knew in my heart that she wouldn't be ready when I got there, and well, you can guess.

She greets me with airy good cheer, says she's almost ready, and then...and I KNEW this was coming - asked me if I had a sign in sheet.  No, she hadn't bothered to make one when I didn't respond to her text.  Oh, and it gets better - she then asked if I had my electronic key with me, because she wasn't sure hers was working.  I knew, I just KNEW that one was coming, and I made sure I had mine with me.  (You know, that THING that lets us get into the HOUSE that is the POINT of this entire EXERCISE.)

And then, oh no, we're not done yet...wait for it...."Okay, I'm ready, I'll follow you, I don't know where it is."

Yes. Yes. Of course. You scheduled an open house, didn't prepare for it, didn't advertise it, didn't even FIND OUT WHERE THE FUCK IT WAS, and you wonder why I am acting kind of mean?   I flat told her I didn't want to work with her anymore - I said it as delicately as I could, considering the stream of profanity I was holding back, I just said that our working styles are too different and it wasn't going to work.

We got to the house, the power was on, but the A/C wasn't cooling, and it was 90 degrees.  I lasted 90 minutes before I truly felt ill, I was soaked with sweat and beet red, and just couldn't endure it. We closed up and left - we'd had a couple of visitors, but afternoon rain moved in and that pushed the humidity into surreal.   We gathered our stuff and left, and as we were leaving she pronounced the day a success, and said she'd had more visitors than she ever had at an open house, and was I SURE I didn't want to do another one with her, because I "was her lucky charm!"

  She went on her way, and I locked up, put my pretty new signs in the car and left, and of course spotted a directional sign she'd forgotten on the main road, and had to double back, cursing, to get it.

I had to take a 20 minute lukewarm shower when I got home before my core temp finally came back down and I stopped sweating like a lawn sprinkler.  My nice Coldwater Creek real estate lady outfit was a sodden mess.  My lovely daughter invited me to dinner, and I drowned my sorrows in beer and unhealthy fried food at Fish and Chips.  (It's becoming a once a month indulgence, and I don't feel at all guilty about it.)

I have a boatload of my own work to get done tomorrow.  And that concludes yet another lesson in No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.  And yes, I AM a mean bitch.   I'm so very, very mean that while I did not use names or identifying details, I really don't give a flying rat's ass if this person someday finds this story.  I doubt she'd even figure out that it was about her.   This is why so many people have such a low opinion of real estate agents.