I've started walking in the evenings without Murphy; he adjusted easily. I take him for a walk, let him walk until his tongue is hanging out and he's slowing down, then take him home to the cool tile floor and his water dish and he's quite content to flop there and watch me leave again. I came back about a half hour later, after a really serious fast walk, and he was asleep, not waiting at the door watching for me as I'd expected. We have a new routine already. He's a good boy. I'll still take him with me when it's cool enough and he's in the mood, but he really can't take the heat, and even the mid-80s is hot for him. This works for both of us - it gives him just enough walkie to tire him out, and it gives me extra walking time, with and without him.

This week is passing very slowly - not that I'm trying to rush the weekend, but the past two days really dragged at work because Boss was on the road and I was bogged down in a very slow, onerous and not very productive document review. Boss is back today, we have interesting meetings for the next couple of days, I'm sure things will pick up again and time will start moving at its normal speed.

Let's hope my weight loss does the same. I'm hammering this out quickly before I get into the shower so it's not going to be very well-thought out or articulated, but the issue of weight and self-image is heavy on my mind (pun intended, I guess) these days. The older I get, the less I can tolerate packing 15 extra pounds. I know it's "normal" to put on that much weight, and more, when we get older, but it's normal because we accept that this is how it is. We slide into acceptance. For me, acceptance is not acceptable. 15-20 extra pounds when you're in your 20s looks different than the same extra weight when you're in your 40s. I don't like what it does to my overall appearance, the way it limits my clothing options, the way it makes me FEEL, and the way it makes other people see me.

I've had many false starts and backslides into my old habits in the past year or so. It's been tough to adjust to living alone, figuring out what to buy, what to cook, how to spend the time that had been devoted to caregiving and was suddenly wide open and all mine. After being confined to the house as a caregiver, it was strangely hard to adjust to the idea that I can come and go as I please. After being married for my entire adult life, it was strange to adjust to being single. I think I've done okay, and if I were to grade myself so far, I'd give myself a B-. I've done some things right and some things wrong. I've lost, to date, 11 pounds that have stayed off - 3.5 came back during the hurricanes. I've pissed away too much time in front of the computer. I've worked on the house but not enough on myself. I've upgraded my wardrobe to a degree, but like the weight loss it only went so far and then it stopped. The heat and rain is an excuse but one I'll go with because it really has been true - add miserable weather to inertia and the result is continuation of bad habits that needed to be broken. All I wanted to do was come home from work and hide in the air conditioning - even the thought of going back out to do something fun didn't have much appeal, it was so miserable it was debilitating. It's still warm today but this weekend the cool weather arrives, and a drop in the humidity is predicted for today. The weather is on my side for further adjustment, forming new healthy habits and dropping old unhealthy ones. I'm working on it.

Poncho update - I measured it last night, and I think I need a couple more inches. The rows are, of course, very long now that I'm down to the bottom edge, but I think I'm still on target to have it finished, if not fringed, by Saturday when the morning dog-walk temps will be in the 50s. I'm on the fence about fringe - fringe sounds fun, and in this faux-Manos denim-ish blue yarn fringe would just add the retro finishing touch, but we'll see how it looks when it's done and go from there. It'd be fine the way it is.

Then it will be time to go back to the plain vanilla cardigan started during Frances, and put the finishing touches on that Softball cotton shawl - while, of course, starting some other small new colorful thing to break the monotony of all that neutral. Fingerless gloves in Koigu? Hmmmm....