If you're shallow and you know it clap your hands....


Today's rumination is on the Value of Shallowness. This was triggered by an email from a friend my age, who read my entry about shopping for Girlchild's apartment, and said it sounded like great, satisfying fun, which, she said, says something about her shallowness at her current stage of life. I am so there. I read other stuff online and marvel at how much energy people (oh hell, let's just say it, WOMEN) put into trying to satisfy other people, or control other people, or worry about how they could do better about this or that, mostly non-specific female touchy-feely kinda things, or otherwise make sense of the world on some Deep, Emotional Level. Like it's supposed to make sense? Who told you THAT bullshit? We aren't in control here, we are just surfing the waves. We can get guidance if we look for it, but even then we aren't actually able to control much about our lives, beyond what we do with our own bodies and sometimes not even that (I'm thinking of unexpected serious illness here, not eating a bag of Chips Ahoys because one's inner child is hungry). I'm so glad I'm Shallow. I wish I had been Shallow much earlier in life, it took me about 40 years of deeply introspective belly-button-gazing to get thoroughly sick of it and finally achieve this level of True Shallowness Nirvana. Here's my wisdom of the day: People will do whateverthehell they are going to do, life will fling crap at you like a bored chimp at the zoo at random intervals, and the only thing you can control is your reaction to it. You can hyper-analyze and internalize and turn yourself into a damn mess over it, or you can make a conscious decision to move beyond it. And yes, you can do that - you can control your own response to the stress, even if you don't control the stress.


My shallowness and disinclination to analyze my own reactions is at times a great blessing. Like today I woke up totally NOT in the mood to go to Mass. I just didn't wanna. I'm PMSing and tired from cleaning and didn't feel like it. But that's where the discipline of Mass as an obligation comes in (one of those things I finally GET now, that I didn't in my youth) - I figured oh well, I don't wanna do it but if I don't go I'll probably be annoyed with myself later. And I was already up, and showered, and what's the big deal, just go. So I went, only because I figured I'd be annoyed at myself for being so lazy, not because I was "afraid I'd go to hell" or any of that other garbage, but because I'd be disappointed in myself for not sticking with a spiritual discipline that I know has real value for me. And, as so often is the case when I'm totally NOT in the mood to bother, the readings and the Gospel and the homily were dead-on-topic to my own totally secular and un-spiritual stressors of late. And the bonus was a reminder to lay some of this work off on my Guardian Angel, as Pope John XXIII liked to do, because they really do get results. Guardian angels were somehow relegated to the cutesy childish corner of my religious revival - I'm so far beyond that now, you know. So maybe I'm just being smug and arrogant again, too sophisticated for all that crap? And so I got something out of it I didn't expect, and came out very glad I went. Then I hit the sale at Penney's and scored jeans and blouses and a nice basic black skirt. Because I am shallow, and I don't waste much mental energy on analyzing the hows and whys of life, I just do what feels right and pray, and this works for me. And tonight I'll throw in a word to my guardian angel.


I visited a different Michaels today - the one nearest to me is a poorly-stocked mess. This one is my new Michaels - it was well-stocked on everything, including yarn! Even fairly pricey Patons brands - though when I priced a shell in Patons Katrina, I decided Cotton-ease was more my speed. I bought some Cotton-ease in Banana (which sounds like screaming yellow, but is actually a soft yellow) and two skeins in Mint, just because it was pretty. I am not sure I will make that Cotton-ease Granny for my own bed - now that I'm into it, it's starting to feel too Little Girly for me. But I will press on to make it child-sized, and give it to my friend's four-year-old, I think she would enjoy it very much. The yellow Cotton-ease wants to be a boatneck shell. I get onboard all the knit-alongs after everybody else has disembarked and gone home to do laundry, but eventually I get around to it.