So, after sleeping on it, I feel less ambivalent and much more enthused about the new job. The list of "pros" far outweighs the cons - starting with the shallow basic things: more money, an even shorter commute, their "business casual" means jeans and sandals, (I wore a skirt and pantyhose to the interview, to be "professional," ya know, and it was the source of much humor to the rest of them), onward through the growth potential in the position, because though they are calling it a "paralegal" position it's really not, and overall, it's a Good Thing. I really liked the broker, she's a riot and I think we'd get along well and share the same POV about how the job should be done. I am just having the angst that comes with having to walk away on some major cases and some very good friends for what is, I think, a better opportunity in the long run.
But last night was tough, and I killed off the leftover Chinese food and way too much beer while wrestling with various issues, and woke up this morning with a headache, never wanting to see beer and Chinese food again. Okay, at least not for a while. Work stress and general life stress has had me on a bad food and too much alcohol bender for a couple of weeks now, and it's time to clean up my act and really detox. So, maybe this would be a good day to start easing into the Fat Flush Diet. I first read one of Ann Louise Gittleman's books on perimenopause several years ago and adopted some of her vitamin and supplement suggestions, and I think it's no coincidence that I am 47 and have never had any real perimenopausal symptoms. She's a little extreme in her obsession with Bad Stuff in Our Food (I'm sure it's totally true, but I can't spend that much time or money on an expensive snipe hunt looking for organic, free range everything) but she certainly knows her stuff, and I need to get control over my eating habits again. So I'm cutting out alcohol, sugar, dairy and wheat for the next couple of weeks, and cutting way back on the caffeine. I've had wicked caffeine withdrawal headaches and know I need to ease back on it, I can't go cold turkey.
I'm going to dinner with the kids this evening - my belated birthday dinner - and I won't say I will be Totally Fat Flushing Virtuous, it depends on where we decide to go, but I am seriously cleaning up my act. It's overdue.
I finished Hannan last night, but for the fringing. It's a measure of my distraction by other issues lately that it took me this long to finish this incredibly simple shell stitch shawl in a substantial ribbon yarn. Now I have the urge to cast on Margaux. I bought the yarn at Knit! months ago and put it away, waiting for the mood to strike me. I think it has finally struck.
Girlfriend, just go back and read the last 3 posts you've made. In your heart of hearts, you want the job, you're just nervous about the changes your life will go through.
ReplyDeleteAll the details are just that - DETAILS. They can be worked out. Though they are an important part of your life, your friends don't write your check and pay your bills. The stress you are suffering is enough to make this other job the HEALTHY choice. Why should you tolerate CHAOS in your life, especially when you are basically treated like a bimbo?
Now, go enjoy your weekend, love your sweet doggie, and cast on Margaux. It looks exactly like something you can wear at your new job!! ((hugs))
I still say, GO! Take the new job. Like Bess said, if you and Boss were meant to work together, it will happen.
ReplyDeleteAt my previous workplace, we lost our best, brightest, and most creative people due to the general environment and head-up-their-ass management. They repeatedly promised to change things, but nothing happened. It got steadily worse. The bottom line was, that even though the best people were being lost, and it was a shame, the higher ups really did not give a damn. At least, not enough to implement any changes. The same is true at your current place. A workplace's environment is what it is. Particularly in a large corporation, that changes slowly if at all.
The other advantage to the new job is that you won't be so stressed out. I'm not talking busy, I'm talking stressed. For the past 6-8 months, you've been chewing-your-own-leg-off stressed. You need a break. You need sanity in your work life.
Oh, I agree. I actually think losing the best and the brightest may be a semi-conscious (phrase chosesn deliberately, because our management is at best borderline aware) choice to cut the budget and get a staff that is too dumb and too beaten down to want to work elsewhere. It's SO Dilbert. And yeah, I won't be so stressed out, I will be doing something with growth potential, I'll have a shorter commute and when I do buy new clothing I can invest heavily in cute sandals and funky earrings instead of Corporate Clothes. I've been chewing-own-leg off unhappy, really, because I am 47 and looking down the barrel of 50 and could not imagine myself sitting in a cube playing "What color is your file folder?" at 50. It just depressed the hell out of me. Every time I remind myself of what is really going on there, the quality of the cases and the friends I have falls to the depth of the bullshit. So, yeah, I have to put my own future first, for the first time in my entire adult life. I raised kids, I was a "trailing spouse" on corporate transfers, looking for a job because he got transferred, then I dealt with a terminally ill husband, and this is the first time in my life that I am able to just jump in and do something that could be very cool and TAKE A CHANCE. Part of my resistance was probably because I couldn't quite grasp that yet.
ReplyDeleteI think you're finally overcoming those self-imposed boundaries and fears.
ReplyDeleteI'm telling you what I've told others... and what I've done myself. Sometimes ya gotta just take a deep breath and jump.
Our subconscious holds us back, sometimes more than we realize. In a strange way, it's trying to keep us safe. Thus we talk ourselves out of changing.
It reminds me of when I was in one yoga class. The move we were doing was a complete backbend, balanced on the hands and on the balls of the feet. The next step was to lift up one arm and one leg--on the same side--and balance. It's not easy, but it can be done.
The girl next to me couldn't. The instructor was saying, "Lift your leg! Lift your arm!" and she was replying, "I can't! I can't move!"
I butted in, saying, "That's your subconscious at work. It's saying, 'If you do that, we might fall. You're not gonna do that.'"
She looked over at me and laughed, and said, "I think you're right." She tried it again, and was able to do it. Shaky, but she did it.
I'm saying you need to try balancing on one arm and one leg. It's scary, but you can do it.
Honey, I've jumped into more shit than most people can imagine. This will be my, uh, sixth or seventh pulling of the rip cord, for my own reasons or someone else's. I'd like to just work someplace and like it and stay until I can retire. I'm just tired. I have to think about these things before I do them now.
ReplyDeleteHeh. You're right. You do reach a point where you're just tired of it all. I'm just concerned; I'd hate to see you give up something great because staying where you are is easier. I'm thinking, "The present situation is crappy, something better has come up, what's the problem?"
ReplyDeleteThen again, I tend to charge straight ahead, neither looking left nor right.
Have I ever mentioned that I'm really, really impatient? I'm a Virgo, so I blame my Aries moon/Sag rising for that.
i know, i'm a little behind on the times (flights and illnesses, oy), but there's a book out there called "don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff." if this is what your heart tells you to do, then do it. it sounds like it's just a better situation all around (jeans and sandals, that just rocks!). go for it honey, and grab that brass ring with both hands.
ReplyDelete