Penguin Slapping Friday

Courtesy of the Boss, enjoy:

Penguin

Job interview on Tuesday, firm where my friend D works.

Boss is about to thow up with nerves, scared they'll make me an offer I can't refuse. I am calm and relaxed. I'll go, I'll chat, I'll be poised and not at all desperate. I pointed out that if I can use this to turn management upside down and shake money and tools out of their pockets, I am still not adverse to staying.

Things changed today. Let's see how I can phrase it without too much identifying detail.

The legal offices were scheduled to undergo a sort of colon exam via paper. The hysteria it engendered cannot be described. I listened to daily onslaughts of hysteria about using the Right Color File Folders and how Everything Must Be Just So from the officious bimbos until I was ready to puncture my own eardrums, and could not imagine that sort of work environment as a rule - it was part of what was driving me to seek greener pastures. These head secretary chicks have got to die - if they had real secretarial talents they would not be doing this crap. When you don't have any practical skills, color-coordinate the file folders. Yeah, honey. So they had everybody, attorneys, paralegals, secretaries, in a frenzy over How the Files MUST Look!!!!

Then, last week, Real Boss passed along the actual guidelines for this exam.

Boss and I read the guidelines and said sheesh. We're already doing that stuff, our files are the way they are, take them or leave them. Maybe our files aren't perfect because we have no secretary, but they are good enough. We ignored the hysteria and didn't particularly care about the results. The scope was inserted up our files and indeed, they were declared healthy enough to satisfy. The stuff we cared about was, indeed, what mattered, and we were already doing that. If we could just get the Secretaries on Steriods to help the work process instead of making up their own highstrung agendas, it would be SO much easier to do this job. I now feel validated that my perspective is the correct one, in line with the upper legal management's real goals, and I will cheerfully ignore the pressure to be sure to use the ORANGE folder for this and the PURPLE folder for that. Plain manila wrappers work for the big boys, so kiss my ass.

I also got feedback from halfway up the east coast that the work I'm doing investigating another multi-million dollar case is appreciated, and let's remember that's actually why I am there, not to color-coordinate the filing. There was a halfway-serious job offer relayed from up there, but I am not taking that one seriously at all. If the jokes continue I'll tell them to make me an offer.

So my point is, I have leverage. I don't have to rush to a new employer, I am not being driven out of the one I'm in, I could probably wrangle an internal promotion/transfer if I played it right. If this other firm wants me, they will pay me what I ask, and if the rest of the package is attractive I'll consider it. If not, I will continue to play the field. Where I am just got more interesting, because now I have some clout, as well as validation.