An Awful Update.

 I started to write a fairly detailed chronological account of how this week went but I just can't, I'm too sad and tired.

 Gidget had to be put to sleep yesterday. I'm still reeling. A week ago today she was fine, on the couch eating treats and bullying Eddie for his. The week began with her limping a bit, and I assumed she'd pulled a muscle jumping off the ottoman. She'd done it before. She didn't want to go up and down the stairs so I carried her, again, nothing suspicious in that. She was otherwise normal, and Monday she even seemed to be walking better.  I told myself I'd call the vet if she didn't fully improve by Wednesday, maybe she needed muscle relaxants or something.

Tuesday she had bloody diarrhea in the night and was obviously in pain. I called the vet and they got her in as an emergency. Her doctor and I both assumed it was a recurrence of pancreatitis, she'd had one incident of that last year. It wasn't. In fact, all her bloodwork was fine, other than elevated readings associated with a painful infection. She was given fluids and pain meds and antibiotics for what looked like an intestinal issue.

Then Tuesday night she couldn't use her rear legs more than a bit, hobbling and half dragging herself. Back to the vet Wednesday for additional meds, this time adding a steroid. Again, we assumed this was pain related due to her intestinal pain, until it progressed. She couldn't walk more than a few steps. Now the suspicion turned to maybe a slipped disk from jumping off the ottoman?

Then by yesterday morning she couldn't stand or walk, but worse, she couldn't pee or poop, not just because of the apparent paralysis, but apparently because her body wasn't getting the signals to do it. They expressed her bladder manually twice. She put up no resistance and didn't even notice. 

At this point her doctor said, "I want to do spinal x-rays, no charge."  

I'm not trained to read x-rays, but even I could see a fairly large spot along her spine where the vertebrae looked like a cloud of something around and through the vertebrae.  Her doctor said it was most likely a fast progressing cancerous tumor. It was moving very fast. She had not only lost the use of half her body, but even her front legs were looking weird, she was sitting with her paws facing east-west, not just a little, but fully sideways. She could half sit up, but not pull herself up straight. I think at that point I knew that whatever it was (almost certainly some form of cancer) , it was progressing like wildfire, blocking all the signals for movement and even basic bodily functions.

So her doctor and I agreed that there was no reasonable further treatment. I've had to euthanize pets before, but this one was the most heartbreaking, not just because it was so sudden, but because Gidget was alert and aware and frightened by her inability to move. Her doctor and I were both in tears, and she said, "I'm the professional, I'm not supposed to cry!" and we sort of laughed through our tears. Gidget was a very special little dog, everyone who knew her loved her, including the staff at her vet's office, who usually only saw her for her allergy shot, because she was otherwise a healthy senior dog.

 So, yeah. The bestest little girl is gone. I've been so touched by the outpouring of grief from everyone she knew, from the vet staff who were sad and silent, to her groomer (she'd actually been scheduled for a haircut, I'd made the appointment a week ago) to, well, everybody. I received so many texts and messages about how wonderful she was. It was a privilege to be her mommy for the last six years. I'm so sad it ended too early and so awfully.