Um, Yeah, Neglecting Blog.

I'm busier than a one-armed paperhanger on roller skates lately.  Today started at 5:15, when I tooked the dogs out for the Sacred First Pee of the Morning, then poured a cup and a half of coffee down while getting caught up on about half an episode of something I'd recorded.  6:15 - on my feet.  Dogs were taken on a walk all the way around the block. It wasn't too hot, so they could do a mile.  Murphy now expects to be carried for portions of it.

Drop dogs at house, go out and do another mile at a much more aerobic pace without them.  Shower. Throw laundry in wash/dryer.  Check email, pack lunch, fiddle around doing house things. Trash had to go out. 

At the office at a luxuriously late (compared to my previous working life) 8:45.  Then didn't stop until 4:30, when I declared that I'd had enough and left.   I didn't take a lunch break or any other break, so I felt quite justified in leaving earlier than the usual 5:30, 6, or whenever.  I had to run a couple of errands on the way home, and I got home and realized to my horror that I wasn't sure I'd stopped to pee even once all day.  That isn't good.  Water intake must become a priority. 

But I'm loving the work. It's fun, it's crazy, it's hard and challenging and has a million moving parts, but I'm already feeling a bit more comfortable, what, not quite six weeks in?  It is never going to be easy, it only grows more moving parts.   But as long as I remember to exercise and walk, I'll be fine.

I'm not feeling STRESS.  Yes, it's complicated and requires massive brainpower and energy, but somehow, this isn't stressing me out.  I want things done right, I want to make it happen, and I'm empowered to do it.

I have long been convinced that stress is mostly a product of lack of control, real or imagined.  Usually real.  If you see how things should be, but aren't able to do anything to influence the way things are, that's incredibly stressful.  Taking orders from somebody you don't respect - oh, damn, that's the worst.  But when you're working like a maniac on a team of people you enjoy (not that they are perfect, and I'm already seeing the dynamics at work) it's very, very different.  Our leader is a riot - I believe if you look up "mercurial" in the dictionary, they have his picture (minus the attribute of "thievishness" - he's all about honor and handshake deals, and I've seen it in action already).  And he is empowering me to Just Get Shit Done. It's so refreshing! 

When I announced I was leaving a bit early today, I was teased about feeling the need to say it.  Having come from a big corporation where my hours were not just counted for payroll, but watched by other cube rats, I could laugh, but realized that they didn't know what an institutional PTSD victim I really am.  I still feel guilty if I leave before 5, even though I also find myself staying until after 6 more often than not.  It's a strange new world.

So, the blog is being neglected, but it's all good.  I swear I will revive the blog, now that I am getting a sort of new life sort of together.