I'm a big fan of audiobooks, and I get more than my money's worth from my Audible subscription. My book of the moment is Bright-sided by Barbara Ehrenreich. (If you read the reviews on Amazon, it appears that only a few of the negative reviewers actually got the point of the book.) This is not an attack on the concept of positive thinking, but a funny, dead-on accurate observation of how the chirpy side of "think only positive thoughts" and "visualize what you want" has become a part of our culture. She observes and skewers it all, from the breast cancer teddy bears through corporate team-building (to create a false sense of belonging in an era of downsizing and layoffs) and prosperity-gospel megachurches (and the overlap between the corporate mindset and said churches), and I'm listening and nodding along, because I've seen every bit of this in my own life.
I was somewhat resistant to reading (okay, listening to, let's not split hairs) this book. Hey, I LIKE the idea that I could just visualize the way my life should be, and if I just do it right, it would all work out just the way I want! I like imagining that in the worst job market since the Depression and the worst-off state in the nation by the latest calculations (Yay Florida! We're Number One again!) I, a 51 year old widow with a house that needs still more repairs, in one of the hardest-hit states in the country, can just visualize my way to my ideal life! It's not too late to start all over and change careers! What do I want to be when I grow up? All I have to do is think really really hard about what I want to be, and then go be it!
Wouldn't that be great? Unfortunately, I remain grounded in the real world, where the roof is leaking and the job market is dead.
I had already decided that this would be my year for personal changes, and so it will be. Among the personal changes I've decided to make, one is not believing my own bullshit. My reality is not pretty, but it's mine, and it could be worse. And visualizing and dreaming without regard for cold, hard reality or accompanying practical action does not work. So, for me "visualizing" is going to involve a lot of heavy lifting, and "dreaming" is going to involve spreadsheets and lists of targets and goals. I'll leave the inspirational posters and positive self-talk to those who aren't really looking at a wildly uncertain future. I have to get really real, because the magical thinking just hasn't worked. It was fun, but didn't actually do anything. Imagine that.
I never imagined I'd be in this place 10 years ago - in the last decade, everything I thought I knew about my own future changed. But that's reality for you - I'm 51 years old, a widow, a brain aneurysm survivor who is lucky to be alive and functioning, and a grandmother-to-be, and I don't begrudge myself the path of least resistance I took through the Oughts, because, yeah, the brain candy of happy positive talk got me through some deep shit. But it's a new decade, and the shit is now just sort of swirling around my ankles, and I need to step carefully and move forward.
Anyway, I really like this book. One could say that it came to me at the right time in my life. ;-) Edited to clarify a random thought.
Thanks for reminding me about that book. I heard the author interviewed on NPR a month or so ago and I intended to order the book from the library but then forgot all about it. Sounds like a good book. I too get tired of the positive thinking hype - and it's so pervasive in the field I'm in now - sales. While I believe in being positive, you also have to hang your dreams on goals and realistic steps such as the ones you are describing. And like you say, the reality is being in Florida or Michigan in their job markets and housing markets isn't the same as experiencing the recession in many other parts of the country. Here's to dreams - and hard work. You've got the right attitude, combined with the right strategy.
ReplyDeleteI'm an adamant hater of the "positive thought" pop culture, not that I don't think there is some power in positive thought, but I"m so sick of seeing "Life is Good" plastered everywhere and people who think they can think themselves happy (as opposed to working damn hard for their dreams). Anyway, there is a piece of fiction I love, a book called Happiness by Will Ferguson and the gist is "what would the world be like of positive-thinking self-help books really worked"? The story is hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI'm more of a "power of hard work and determination" then a "power of positive thinking" kind of gal...neither guarantees a damn thing, but one has a better chance of it.
Oh, I believe in being positive too, and that it can make the best of a bad situation, but I do think it has replaced facing cold reality for too many people, especially in corporate America. She makes some excellent points about how corporate America works now. It's true: cheerleading and happy-talking replaced boring old rational analysis of the bottom line, and we can see how THAT worked out.
ReplyDeleteAnd the 'visualize your life, etc etc' spin doctors always have an out, just like the charismatic faith healers:
ReplyDeleteIf it didn't work for you, it is because you did not have enough faith, did not pray sincerely / hard enough, were not 'worthy' of the miracle.
Nothing to do with good old reality.
Happy healthy and realistic New Year to you and Murphy and the cats,
Gae, in Callala Bay
I was reading the Sunday NYT and thinking of you. They had 2 long articles about FL. Think Happy Thoughts on the way to the food stamp line! It's incredibly depressing. I'm with you on the magical thinking, too, especially in corporate America. It's been so pervasive for so long that there is not much management that can actually run a business anymore, they can only spout management speak. It makes me want to scream. Anyhoo, there is not much you or I can do about it, but sweep up our little corners and try to live our own life. I remember seeing a picture of an immigrant woman, holding a baby in her home in NY at the turn of last century. Her "home" was some wooden planks leaning against a wall in an alley, with a chair, a bed, a pot on a fire, and a broom. She swept the dirt every day, and the bed was made. It was her corner of the world and she did her best to control it. It's all we can do.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes to you and Murph and the cats.
Kimmen