She's gone.

I've been up since they called me at 2 a.m. to say my mother was taken to the ER. I made coffee and poured a big travel cup, figuring this might be a long day of getting her stabilized. When I got there, it was obvious that something major had happened, her heart was failing and her body was shutting down. She was mostly lucid when I got there, but in too much discomfort to hold a conversation, and her mental functions went downhill rapidly. They could hardly get an IV in her paper-thin veins; it blew out twice before they got one in with a baby-sized needle. And I got to do the DNR discussion for my other parent, 2 years after the first. And within 5 minutes of that conversation outside her room, her heart stopped for about a minute, then started again. She stopped breathing, then started again. They did what they could to stabilize her, short of crazy interventions like intubating her or shocking her heart, but the ER staff was very kind and supportive, and I watched my mother die today, around 4:30 a.m.

And I haven't been able to get hold of Girlchild, which is disturbing me no end. She's usually easy to reach, it might take a day for Boy to call me back but Girl normally answers a voicemail or text within the hour. To say this is not like her is a massive understatement. She is in the process of moving, and I don't even have her new address yet, so if she doesn't answer phone, text or email, I don't have an easy way to find her.*

I did call Boychild, and he talked me in off the hysteria ledge as he always does. I made funeral arrangements (which have to be finalized tomorrow). I wore out a Mr. Clean Magic Sponge in a nervous cleaning frenzy. I am worn out too. I hope to be asleep by 8.

*After a slew of voicemails and text messages ranging from calm to frantic I sent an email. She saw that, and called immediately. Her Blackberry was sitting there on its charger, not sharing single message. They all arrived in a wad after we'd already talked. She's up to speed. And fine. We do nothing but deal with it here.