Because Murphy at 8 years old is a dog who stalls, sniffs, hikes a leg on everything, stops abruptly and digs in like a tiny, stubborn donkey. He is totally derailing my daydream of walking with my cute little dog...anywhere. Because walking with my cute little dog involves me swearing at him and a probably unhealthy spike in my blood pressure, because he is an asshole. So when you see pictures of his cuteness, think of this "sweet little baby" digging in and glaring at you because you think walking means walking, while he thinks it means a glacier-like progression as he sniffs every blade of grass, marks every other blade, then agrees to walk for oh, 20 feet, then slams on the brakes because a blade of grass urgently needs marking, whereupon he ceremonially hikes a leg and does nothing, because his bladder was empty 37 stops ago. He's really cute in pictures, not so much when you live with him.
So I have a two phase walk now - phase one, I take the little shithead for a brief stroll, I try to work with him and get him to walk properly without actually resorting to dragging him and getting arrested for dog abuse, until he annoys me beyond tolerance, then I take him home and go out without him. I did 3 miles this morning. .4 of a mile was with him. We got .2 of a mile from the house and I'd had enough and turned back. This is not because he is tiny and I am asking too much from him - he's around 8 lbs and sturdy and healthy and when the mood strikes him, he can walk for miles. I know this because he's done it happily, when the mood struck.
But if he's not in the mood, even when the walk was HIS idea and he stood next to my chair while I drank my morning coffee and read the news and made that breathy little squeaking sound and stamped his feet, an incredibly persistent and annoying sound you'd have to hear to believe, until I gave in and got dressed, even then, he gets outside and I find out that oh, he didn't really want to WALK, whatever gave me that crazy idea? At the point where I swear at him and say, "That's it, you're going home," the little SOB snaps into a perfect heel and trots along at my side like the star doggie school pupil he was, the picture of cuteness and well-trained dog. Which is why I say he is an asshole.
I take him home and go out to take a real walk without him, while telling him that my NEXT dog will walk with me and not pull this shit, and he can sit and look out the window and watch us leave without him, neener, neener.
So that's why I enjoy Amie's Oscar training stories. I remember having a dog that didn't boss me. I've said it a million times - it's a good thing Yorkies are so little and cute, otherwise nobody'd be able to stand them. And of course the supreme irony is that the adorable, tail-wagging, obedient Oscar is a Big Bad Pit Bull. Yeah, they're monsters.
You're supposed to carry him. Or push him along in a stroller. I know this because I'm on my second Yorkie, and they both pull the same trick. Be glad you live where it's warm---I usually end up with *someone* zipped up inside my coat with me. Nothing is more pathetic than a Yorkie in "shiver" mode.
ReplyDeleteBrenda.
Murphy LOVES the cold! I've taken him out when it was in the 30s and I was the one who wanted to turn back, and he's just trotting along, all energized and oblivious. Put a sweater on him and he'd run the Iditarod. We've had our best walks in cold weather. Once the temp gets above 70 he starts his sniffing and stalling and dragging act. I used to laugh at the idea of a dog stroller, now I totally see the point. It really would be the best revenge - walking him briskly past all those blades of grass that each...need...an...individual...drop...of...pee, and you can't get to them, sucker!
ReplyDeleteI really need a job.
My walks are just like this but with a toddler in tow! No that the weather is finally nice we take a walk every night - she makes it nearly .5 miles on her own so it's a great thing to wear her out before bed, but that .5 mile can take 45 minute as we stop to see every rock, leaf and litter we pass, not to mention stopping every time a bird chirps or a dog barks so we can look for it.
ReplyDeleteI usually do that then after she goes to bed I go back out for a proper 3 mile walk that takes less time :)
I remember the toddler walks. This is very much like that, but the dog is supposed to be a dog, and is at the end of a leash.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I have the patience for grandchildren.
I have a Westie female that cannot be walked either! She can't hike her leg, but she must investigate every blade of grass, every potential rabbit trail and oh! Look! there is a bird that must be chased!
ReplyDeleteI love her dearly, but if I want to WALK, I have to leave her at home! LOL
Teresa
i find myself being less and less patient with little ones as i get older. the best part about grandchildren? you can give them back! (i don't have any yet, lol)
ReplyDeletei had a friend who had a pit bull, and she was too ill of health to take him for decent walks, so i'd walk him once ina while. or should i say he walked me? he would choke himself he'd pull so hard on the leash. poor guy got put down, because she coudln't take care of him, and the humane society will not adopt out pit bulls. i thought it was a crying shame because he was so sweet (kinda like oscar)
Does it make you feel better to know Oscar's nickname is "The Great Urinator"? Seriously, there's not an INCH outside my house, at the training school, or along our paths that has not been marked. I'm sure he's only got the one lung, and extra torso space is taken up with spare bladders.
ReplyDeleteAt the Search & Rescue seminar, the instructor was talking about how some dogs are very uncomfortable on unusual surfaces, and we should take our time and coax the dog gently across, and go ahead, Amie, give Oscar a shot at it. And he walked to the center and peed.
While wagging his tail.
Oh, here's one for the small dogs. I was just training in the yard, and I think Oscar got stung by a bee. I threw the ball, he went and got it, then suddenly dropped it and froze. After much coaxing, I could get him to try to come to me, but in two steps, I saw what looked like a limp. I came to him, checked for limp again and found a small what looked like stinger on his "wrist".
ReplyDeleteI then had to carry my (thankfully calm, probably in shock) 55 pound brick solid dog inside, up stairs open and close a door to keep cats from getting out, put him in bed, and then force him into a down.
Of course, I left the room to double check the door and he hopped out of bed to follow me, so I think he's fine and was in shock. Damn bee probably set us back a few days in training.
But I bet carrying your dog 100 yards or so and opening and closing doors while doing so isn't quite worth writing home....
:D
Does The Great Urinator leave his mark and then move on to the next target? I could so live with that. I do not mind a dog that stops and marks, Dudley does that, it's fine. Mine marks then does not move on. It's a deliberate and obvious stall, he knows I want to walk so he has to turn to sniff this fascinating blade of grass over here, for such a long time it actually GROWS. I know it is deliberate because when I say "That's it, I'm taking you home," he snaps into a perfect heel and trots along. The dog just doesn't want to walk.
ReplyDeleteYes, tiny dogs are much more convenient. I gave my poor granddog trauma when I foolishly took him outdoors on the leash when the garbage truck was coming up the street. He is afraid of loud noises and trucks, so the garbage truck is of course the worst of all trucks. I had to carry him into the house, he'd gone rigid with terror and was pulling backward so hard I was afraid he was going to pull out of his collar even if it meant ripping an ear off. Yeah, hoisting 22 pounds is easier, though a 22 lb dog in the middle of a panic attack is a little tricky. Murphy I can scoop one handed and tuck under my arm like a newspaper, he's nothing.
All I can say is, he's so damn cute. He's a real little "character." Such personality. And you can't blame him for being independent. He really IS the bossy little dog.
ReplyDeleteHe's a real little character, alright. He gets away with it because he's so damn cute.
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