Clothes Shopping

I hate it. I hate it because I am not the size I used to be, back when Shopping Was Fun. If you're 30 and a size 6-8, Shopping Is Fun. After you pass 45 and are heading toward 50 and this and that has happened and you've spent too much time sitting and eating and the metabolism has slowed and you're more like a 12 bordering on 14 (and not in a good, firm, fit way, but in a "When did everything get this pale and squishy?" way) shopping for clothes changes from Fun to Hard Work. The joy goes out of it, it becomes a Task to find Something Acceptable that Hides Flaws and hopefully doesn't Make You Look Like Grandma.

Clothes shopping can be traumatic, and I have successfully avoided it for several years, by hitting on a few things that fit pretty well and sticking to them. I wore a uniform. A boring, boring uniform.

So, I have a job interview tomorrow (hold your applause) and this morning I went through the closet and realized that I had no interview clothes. I have nice, freshly dry cleaned, perfect-fitting gray slacks and nice high heeled pointy toed black pumps, but above the waist it's strictly washed out J.C. Penney. (I realize that is a sad mental picture - no comments from the peanut gallery, please). So today I made an emergency trip to the mall, and I did something I rarely, rarely do - I tried on a LOT of clothes. Very nice saleswoman at Dillard's - a lifesaver, actually - brought me armloads of suit pieces and blouses and such, and the things that were the prettiest on the hanger fit like shit on me, and thank you Stacy and Clinton, your distance education pupil in Florida actually knows how to make sure a jacket fits properly now. Though if you'd like to take me under your wing and hand me the five grand, we'd have a lot of fun together.

Shopping was hard, it really was. It's discouraging. The current babydoll blouse style is dubious on anyone over 40 and really not good on anyone with significant boobage. I am too small for Lane Bryant and too chunky for a lot of other brands, so shopping is a depressing and frustrating experience. I have grown to hate fitting rooms with a passion usually reserved for oral surgery. I hate seeing my middle-aged and undead-white flesh under fluorescent lighting, and of course I made the classic mistake of just rushing out the door to the mall without thinking it through and putting on the right shoes and, er, "foundation garments," so I had the thrill of trying on skirts with my doughy white legs and little white socks, and we won't even talk about the lines my Target drawers created under the thinnest slacks. Let's just say I do not recommend this. But OTOH, if you like the way the clothes look even with that horror down below, you are fine.

The other thing I got past was the size on the tag - and that, too, is a new development for me. I did this because I had to - I had to Find Something, so there was no putting the stuff back and going home and vowing to do 200 crunches every evening and never eat again (until dinner). I had a Deadline. And in trying on a lot of clothes, it really brought home the point that should be obvious but I'm clueless - the size on the tag is just a number, and that number can fluctuate wildly. Two jackets by the same maker, very similar at first glance, slightly different cut, same fabric, in the same size, fit entirely differently - one swam on me comically, the one I bought fit like a dream.

I walked out with a really nice navy jacket - fitted, hip-length, not too busy but not Borrrinnng, a cream v-neck short-sleeved sweater, and a cream linen skirt with a subtle pattern. It would work for an interview, but I think tomorrow I'll go with the jacket and sweater with my freshly dry-cleaned gray slacks, pointy-toed pumps and of course my Outlet Mall Coach Bag. I have a fresh haircut and color. It's just the look I wanted - professional and polished, age appropriate but not a black "interview suit" and a conservative blouse - I tried on and felt like an undertaker in that combination, and it would not be an appropriate look for this interview in this particular industry. And I love the jacket - I really do. I can mix it with slacks I own now, the skirt and with jeans, it's versatile and classic and I love it. And after I got past the sticker shock - and no, I wasn't shopping Ralph Lauren, but yes, it's been years since I've paid full price for "real clothes" and even $129 for a jacket felt wildly extravagant. I got over it. I felt the old shopping buzz coming back.

I won't say I have now fully accepted my current body and will not bother trying to improve it, because the hell with that acceptance crap - I can accept its current state and still work on fixing it. If you don't like it and you know you can fix it, fix it. And now that the rush of "shopping is fun" came back, even briefly, I am energized about fixing it. But I will treat my current body better and buy it real clothes, and when I lose the last 20 I will treat it to Ralph Lauren now and then, because shopping is fun. And I can't say enough for the saleswoman at Dillard's - if you are in the Orlando area and need someone with good taste to fling clothes at you, I'll give you her name.

I know this is a knitting blog. One of these days I'll knit something again.