I have been awake since 2 a.m.

because it was cold, and when it's cold, cats need warmth. One cat decided warmth would be found wrapped around the top of my head. The other cat felt warmth was beside me, suffocating me with purring flab. My neck is sore and I'm tired and I'm really, really cranky. But I had a good day, because I did not spend it in the office. I spent it stifling yawns in meetings out of the office, but it beats the hell out of being IN the office. I'm refining how I want to spend my working day. At least 25% of the week out of the office, doing things on site, that is shaping up to be a biggie. I like the business, but I hate being so distanced from it, pushing papers and nagging engineers. It's so helpful to stand on site and look at the lot drainage and the views and size up where the swingset will go on the playground, it makes it REAL. I need to do it, and my boss supports this totally so I must not get sucked into riding a desk all the time. This was a good day.

I spent much of last week hating my job, and today reminded me of why I really do like this business. It's the sense of accomplishment - few jobs have the "I was part of that!" fully-involved-senses payback of development work. I can drive around the area and visit communities where I worked on the land purchase or fine-tuned the HOA docs or worked out homeowner issues or kibbitzed on the landscaping or bitched about the streetlights (or any combination of the foregoing) eight or ten years ago, and I see Christmas decorations and kids riding bikes in "my" neighborhoods, and it reminds me that what I do isn't merely paper-pushing. Real people live every day with what I do. And that's so cool, and such a responsibility. We create neighborhoods where children grow up, and play and flunk math and fall off their bikes and pose for pictures on prom night. Families build memories in those neighborhoods, and we really try to make them good ones in whatever little way we can. I really like what I do. It's so easy to focus on the negatives of a job, and every job has its negatives, but when you get right down to it, this is a damn cool job. When I get in a pissy mood I need to get out more and remember that.

I will be in bed at 8:30. I say this nearly every night and actually go to bed around 10-ish, but tonight, dammit, I will be in bed at 8:30. Okay, 9. But first I have to go feed my new sourdough starter. I had sourdough starter in the fridge when my husband got sick and it was one of the early casualties of that first year of cancer caregiver-dom - I kept him and the animals alive and paid the bills, but the sourdough starter bought the farm early in the game. I finally had the urge to order more from King Arthur Flour, source of the last batch.

It's 7:30. Bedtime at 8:30 just might happen.