I'm still in that period of adjustment that comes with starting a new job. Last week was very stressful, lots going on, lots of loose ends fraying and waving in the breeze, the list of things to do and follow up on gets longer every day. I feel appreciated and challenged, and that's good, but I don't like the stress level - I think it will go down as I get into the rhythm of the projects and get some better systems in place to track what's going on, but right now, it's making me crazy. I need new coping mechanisms to deal with the stress, and one of them MUST be exercise.
In the old job, I was on my feet more - it was a longer walk from point A to point B in the office, I didn't spend as much time just sitting and reading as I do in this job. I'm gaining weight and losing energy. My knee is bothering me again, a bit, and I'm sure it's all related - the sitting causes the knee to stiffen up and the ass to spread, which puts more strain on the knee. I haven't been to the gym in weeks - they were moving to a new facility, the old one was too small and too crowded, it was easy to blow off going when the cardio room was always packed. Now that they are in the new space I'm going to start going every day. I have got to find a way to deal with the stress, it's interfering with my sleep, and I can see what sitting too much is doing to my body - I feel bloated and achy and suddenly much older. And my knees and my entire body would be so much happier if I lost 15 pounds. So this week it's back to the gym in a serious, "this is medically necessary, quit fooling around" way.
I think I'm going to cut my hair. The woman who cut Girlchild's did a fantastic job, everybody raves about her haircut.
My car needs an oil change. Badly.
It needs a bath even worse.
My yard is neglected, and I'll need to spend the money on a sprinkler system over this winter, because there's no point in spending money on anything else if it doesn't get regular water to keep it alive.
Boss gave me my much-belated birthday present - a generous gift certificate to a snooty day spa. It's nice, yet so exasperating, it's a sweet gesture, but it also illustrates his issues with women - he has a stereotyped idea in his head of what women like, and assumes it's one size fits all. In all the years we've known each other, I have never been the day spa type. I am NOT the day spa type. I have made comments about that in front of him many times over the years. I cannot imagine wasting one of my precious weekend afternoons on letting some stranger slap wet seaweed on my ass. I'm having trouble finding time to wash the car, do the laundry, buy groceries and get to the gym, and I'm supposed to spend hours at a spa? Now I have the pressure of using a gift certificate for something I don't want at a place I don't frequent. The brochure of rather scary-sounding and obscenely pricey services states that gift certificates are not refundable. I'll feel guilty if he spent that kind of money and I don't use it. It's good for a year, I don't have to rush to do it, anyway.
I guess I'll get a manicure and pedicure and make the best of it - the prices are so insanely high that'll eat most of the gift certificate right there - then maybe they have products for sale and I can spend the balance on, at those prices, maybe a tube of lip gloss. Why, oh why, couldn't he have just gotten me a nice, boring Barnes and Noble gift certificate? That I would have loved and used immediately! This feels like an obligation, another source of stress. We've been friends for, God, at least 13 years, but this is evidence of why this relationship has remained strictly platonic. Like the old song says, "If you don't know me by now...." Rant over.
It's not that I don't like indulging myself, because I do. I am not a martyr to self-denial by any means, I just like to choose my own indulgences. And I really hate having to "make time for" things like that - I think it's scar tissue from the caregiver years, when everything was scheduled down to the minute and people kept giving me dipshit advice about "taking time for myself." I love to take time for myself, I just loathe having to schedule it. The only scheduled thing in my life is my job, and that's the way I like it. I am almost pathologically spontaneous in my off-work hours now, and the thought of having to make an appointment to "take time for myself" causes a spike in my blood pressure and an instant, "I don't fucking want to!" reaction. Weird, I know, but it's how I am now.
Yesterday I hit the yarn store first, before the boring errands and chores, and scored 4 more skeins of Euroflax linen, in a rich merlot color, because I want a shawl. I'm nearly done with the feather and fan baby blanket - I'm working on it obsessively, all other projects are pushed aside, because I just love the damn thing so much. Stupid to work on something useless to me and intended for a non-existent grandchild, but there you have it. I'm curious about how much the stitches will relax in the washer and dryer - I know the washcloth I did in FnF relaxed quite a bit, and I'm hoping the blankie will do the same, otherwise it will be fairly soft but still kind of ridge-y. I'm really surprised that knitting with linen, even with all these k2togs, hasn't irritated my wrist and hand the way I would have expected - maybe it's because the linen isn't as thick as cotton - but my wrist hasn't bitched a bit, and yesterday I worked on it for hours, in between doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen and watching the Stephen King miniseries "Storm of the Century" on the Sci-Fi channel. I never saw it when it came out, and obviously I didn't miss anything, but it became one of those "Dammit, I've watched it this long, I have to see how it ends," things - I watched the whole thing, then said, "Eh."
Dudley starts doggie school next Saturday - and not a moment too soon, too. He's getting so big and strong, he really needs some drilling in how to walk on a leash, "paws off" and other useful things, and we're too indulgent with him to really work him properly. School is more for us than for him, we need reinforcement in the value of working with him. He "knows" many commands but we're not that consistent with him, and he's a terrier so he has his own agenda. If "come" isn't on it at a given moment, too bad for us. A lttle formal training will be good for all of us.
Okay, that's a long, rambling Sunday morning update - my posting has been all or nothing lately. Now I need to get off my butt and get some exercise.
Yeah, give me the B&N too! Boss didn't soooo....lemonade out of lemons.
ReplyDeleteYou plan to use the gift cetifiate. You are stressed out. Skip the manicure and pedicure and go for the service I'm sure they offer that will give you what you need most. Have a good, thorough full body massage. Skip all that wet seaweed and other stuff. Tell them to use some eucalyptus oil with peppermint . Let them know you are having trouble with the leg. An hour and half will get rid of much of your tension and
prepare you for your daily visits to the gym.
I know what you mean about appointments. I only do them when I have to and out of courtesy for others. Make this one because it's related to your health. If you've not had a good massage you'll be surprised at the results. I find them "medically necessary" and credit a regular massage for improved blood pressure readings.
Best of luck. Give the "boys" a tummy rub.
A massage lasts 90 minutes, a manicure and pedicure lasts a week. I'm not having trouble with my leg, I'm having trouble with my knee joint, a massage won't help it.
ReplyDeleteAs much as I've been dying for a massage, I understand your irritation. I hate scheduling obligations... the job is enough of one!
ReplyDeleteAlso, when people who are close to one give presents that are wildly off-target, it does one pause.
Or *give* one pause, even. :-)
ReplyDeleteBeg to differ. Five years ago massage made a difference in my knee when I could barely get up from a chair and walk. And my body is much, much older than yours so these old joints have had a lot of wear.Just sayin' don't knock it if you haven't tried it.
ReplyDeleteI too was going to suggest getting a massage. I think that's something one doesn't usually buy for herself whereas you'll find time to do your nails ... both fingers and toes so what's "
ReplyDeletegifty" about using the certificate on that. A massage will get rid of some of the tension and stress you're feeling.
I rarely take the time to do my nails, and I certainly never take the time to do a full-blown salon-style thing. If I get my nails done I may be inspired to keep getting them done - though by the nice Vietnamese ladies near the gym, not this pricey joint. But see why I feel stressed over this gift? I have virtual strangers telling me what I should do with it! I think I'll put it in a drawer for a while.
ReplyDeleteWhat about Girlchild? Could/would she use it?
ReplyDeleteYou could always lie to Boss (if he asks) about who actually used it.
Also, if Boss does ask, perhaps thank him warmly (again) for the gift certificate, but state directly that as much as you appreciated the thought, a gift certificate to Barnes & Noble (whatever) would suit you so much better.
I think Boss genuinely wanted to get you something nice, but men get sold this bill of goods by advertisers that all women love spas and beauty salons. The same advertisers that tell women that all men love power tools or golf gear. I know, I know, Boss should notice on his own, but clearly he's not that type. Well meaning, but not great on nuances.
Something to consider. I find these kind of gifts the same as being at someone's house for dinner. I'll choke down whatever it is, even if I hate it. But if asked, I might say that such-and-such isn't really to my taste, although wonderfully prepared. If you just praise it, guess what you get for dinner (or a gift) next time?
Oh, totally - I'll go get my hands and tootsies done, Girlchild doesn't need spa services at a place like that. It'll be fine, I'm not looking for advice or pity, it's a sweet thought. I blame it on lack of communication -if he'd asked, I'd have said "a Barnes and Noble gift certificate." Or a gift certificate to an online yarn shop. But he's a guy, and he assumes every woman wants to spend the week's grocery budget on one massage, AND cares about making the time to do so. Lots of women would, but I don't happen to be one of them. I'll use it myself, because giving it away would be wrong, but drop hints heavy as anvils in the future. I didn't gush over it, I said it was sweet. He knows (because I taught him this one years ago) that the code for an ugly baby is "sweet." What a SWEET child! Is Southern for "That kid fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." He doesn't need to buy me anything, it's nice but I certainly don't expect it - I hope it tapers off now that we aren't working in the same place. A card will do nicely. Seriously. But I really will go get the manicure and pedicure, because it's so damn hard to really do my nails with dogs underfoot in a small house.
ReplyDeleteI know I sound like the nastiest bitch on earth right now. I love Boss dearly, he's an angel, but this gift is just one of those clues that he really doesn't know what's going on in my life. I know he didn't intend to give me a gift that would make me feel stressed, and it's not like I share every bit of caregiver scar tissue with him. He's sweet and generous, and it's not his fault that I have heavy residual scar tissue from the past few years that makes me freak out about having to schedule my free time to "relax." I'll get over it.
ReplyDelete