Deeply Disgusted.

 I went to bed at 10. I took 2 Benadryl and listened to sleep stories. I woke up at 2:30 feeling so tense. I checked my phone and learned that white people decided we should go with fascism instead. Democracy had a pretty good run, but America is over.

And you know, if their Orange Savior was a really smooth, slick talker who said all the right things and tricked them, I could sort of understand. But JFC, he's a shambling, slurring, incoherent, hateful old fart. If he was your grandpa, the family would be having a serious conversation about putting him in a home.

White people saw, shrugged, and said whatever. They proved they'll vote for anybody but a brilliant and qualified black woman.

I feel gut punched, sickened, and like an idiot. Though I'm in Florida  and it really does suck here, clearly I've been living in my own happy bubble all this time. I work in a multicultural environment of mostly college graduates of all ages, my friends are multicultural, gay and straight, younger and older than I am. I thought I knew a pretty representative cross section of Americans.

Clearly, though I'm a white woman, I have not been living in the real white America all this time. 

I have no positive thoughts to share. I am utterly and completely disgusted with this country.

Condition:

"Nauseously optimistic." I wish I could give credit to the first person who said it online, but I haven't been able to find the source. Someone said it was Robert Reich, but I haven't been able to confirm. 

Anyway, my plans for tomorrow evening: watching Agatha All Along and crocheting a mindless afghan that might go to The Kid, if she likes it.Yes, of course I'll be peeking at my phone. I'll also be drinking an extra cup or two of my favorite CBD tea.

I'm fine during the day, but I wake up at 3 am. I am a huge fan of Calm, and it's saving my life this week. I particularly love the train sleep stories; the combo of the gentle story about riding a historic European train in the 20s or 30s, the rhythmic train sound, gentle music, descriptions of luxury and hot chocolate, it works like magic for me. I'm waking up several times a night because my central nervous system is in panic mode, but a lovely peaceful train ride lets me fall asleep again, for at least oh, 40 minutes. Rinse, repeat.

Anyway, I'm "nauseously optimistic." I'm confident that Harris-Walz will win in reality. I'm not entirely confident about what happens next. We all have 2016 PTSD, and we know it's a real threat because we all saw what happened on January 6 when fucking with the EC didn't work. We might have an answer by Wednesday if the latest polls are accurate, and they probably are, as we now have stories about the NYT et al. not publishing positive polling for Harris, but that won't mean that fuckery won't happen. 

It IS different this time. We're prepared for it: fortifications are in place at the Capitol and the VP's residence, and if anybody had told me 40 years ago we'd reach the point where we have to do that kind of thing, I'm not sure I'd have believed it, but here we are. 

Anyway, take care of your mental health, get more sleep than I'm getting, and I'll be back when the dust settles.

GOD, I needed yesterday!

 

My daughter scheduled a trip to the Magic Kingdom yesterday. It was Sebastian's first park visit (he's done a resort dinner and a resort overnight stay already) so of course Grandma had to be there. 

I had no idea how MUCH I needed it. I drove separately and met them there. I walked into the gate just as the Festival of Fantasy parade was coming into the home stretch on Main Street, and I saw my girl, the fire-breathing steampunk dragon Maleficent (above) approaching and got that picture. She was right in front of me, and a good omen for the day. 

The main goal of the day: my daughter, the guy who still needs a blog nickname and The Kid were finally going to ride Tron. 

Sadly, Tron is not for me. It's not the speed or the plunges and turns, I love all that stuff, it's the ride position. You sit on a "motorcycle", leaning forward in a racing position, through plunges and turns. When I saw the design I swear I heard my left knee mutter, "Don't even think about it bitch." They do have a more conventional seat at the end of each line of cycles, but honestly, I've never seen the movie Tron or had any particular urge to do so, so for me that ride's an "Eh."

It was an easy decision to wait in the shade with Sebastian and people watch while they rode it. We were in a shady spot under the ride, and as it roared overhead you could hear the screaming. I tried to identify The Kid's scream as the ride passed, but could not. (She did ask me after they got off the ride if I heard her, but there was a lot of screaming.) 

They pronounced it excellent. 

The weather was perfect! We're having "Florida fall" and yesterday was 85 degrees but the breeze was cool and the humidity was low. Standing still in the sun was still hot, but walking around from shady spot to shady spot was very, very nice. 

And Sebastian is officially a Disney Kid!  Boy, can that kid hang! He took one 20 minute power nap after an afternoon bottle, and was otherwise awake, alert and observant, just taking it all in. The adults were flagging by the time we called it a day, he was still awake. They were confident he'd pass out as soon as he was in his carseat on the way home, but damn, he's an excellent Disney Baby.

If you look carefully, you can see two teeth peeking through. 

It wasn't horribly crowded and the weather was lovely, but the wait times for rides fluctuated from a reasonable 20 minutes to You've Got to Be Kidding Me.

 

This was intended to be a short visit for Tron, a quick late lunch, and whatever other experiences we could manage, and it worked out very well. We rode the train around the park, did Buzz Lightyear, where again Sebastian's daddy scored WAAAY higher than the rest of us, (confirming my suspicion that the man has spent lots of hours on video games in his day), ate at Cosmic Ray's, and ended the day with Sebastian getting his first tiny taste of a Mickey Bar. His daddy shared a few tiny bits of the vanilla ice cream, and the look on that kid's face was priceless! The closest he came to crying all day was when he realized the ice cream was all gone. That moment of sadness was just a moment though. He really is the most easygoing, happy baby ever.

 

Grandma promised him a trip to L'Artisan des Glaces when we do Christmas at Epcot, where the nice ladies will be happy to give him a teeny (sample) cup of his own. THAT ice cream is divine, which is why the shop's lines are always out the door, but worth it. 

Basically, it was a nearly perfect Baby's First Magic Kingdom Visit. It would have been perfect if the wait times for the baby friendly rides were more reasonable, but we still had fun and did Enough. One of the (few) upsides to living here is we can go to Disney whenever we're in the mood, and this little guy is obviously ready to grow up as a Disney Kid.  

Disney Grandma felt the stress and anxiety I've been carrying around for the last few months just drain away. I came home to two small disgruntled dogs (Eddie barked at me indignantly for a couple of minutes when I got home) but feeling great. 

I've postcarded, I've voted, I've shared encouragement on social media, my loved ones have all early voted when they could. I do think it'll be okay, but the idea that we are faced with saving our country from fascism wasn't anywhere in my retirement planning.

Hi! Sorry, Been Working.

 So yeah, I can't even remember what day it is. I do know I had a previously scheduled 1 on 1 with my boss, who I love to pieces, and she told me to just TAKE A DAMN DAY OFF!! So I'm taking Friday off. I worked 11+ hour days over the weekend, going home to a humid, dark house, melted ice, cold showers, and two small dogs who were convinced I could fix it for them if I really loved them. 

Power came back...Saturday? Or was it Sunday? I honestly am not sure, I wasn't home for most of it. I'd leave for work before the asscrack of dawn, run home to drain the dogs midday, go back, and finally get home, walk the dogs and eat leftover takeout from the office before crashing to get up and do it all again. When you're in your 30s this is kinda fun and managers see you as an awesome team player and it's good for your career! Yeah, I'm over that shit.

I am officially too old for this shit. I said all weekend that I was getting though it because this is my last storm season, because AS GAWD IS MAH WITNUSS, I'm retiring before the next one!

 I told my boss that today on my 1on1, and she said, "Don't even say that!" Girl, I love you too, but after the first of the year we've got to get real. I'm 66, I'm not financially in a "retire to constant cruises and golf" place, but I'm tired and thoroughly sick of this shit. I want to dial it back to part time something, at least.

I missed The Kid's 13th birthday blowout at Disney - DAMN YOU, MILTON!  I'm honestly not too broken up about that, because I'm too old to think chasing 13 year olds armed with gift cards and cash and amped up on Starbucks around Disney Springs is a fabulous time. I'd have joined them but for Milton and work, but it would have been nearly as exhausting as work. 

 I salute my daughter and...I still need a blog name for her wonderful guy, Sebastian's dad. He's not entirely in the Disney Cult, but he's getting there, and he was all in on taking 4 young teens and an infant for a Disney weekend. Everybody had a blast. 

Sebastian again proved he's a born Disney kid! He floated in the pool, napped, then people watched and napped, and was just generally the mellowest, most cheerful baby in the entire Disney bubble. He laughs and giggles and loves to people watch, and just goes with the flow, taking it all in. They really, really lucked out with this kid. We're already planning next year when he's on his feet and can be introduced to the splash pads at the resorts.

The Kid did report that she was a bit annoyed that two of her guests were all about going back to Disney Springs before they left while she wanted more pool time, but I told her that her mom and I were talking and we feel we need an Animal Kingdom Lodge weekend, she cheered up and agreed.   They'd stayed at Port Orleans Riverside for her birthday, and my daughter texted me and said that while it was nice, the other half of Port Orleans is nicer, and that she's totally spoiled by Animal Kingdom Lodge's pools. I'm spoiled by AKL in general. It's my favorite resort by far, because the entire experience is an exotic take on Disney, but of the two sides of the Port Orleans resort, my heart also belongs to the French Quarter.

Anyway, I'm babbling and exhausted. I'm the grandmother of two teens, one tween, and a little guy who is already keeping up with the family's adventures. 

It's all good, but I really, really need a day off.

We are fine.

 Well, sort of. No power, but otherwise no major damage. A tree fell at the house, my “son-in-law” says he can borrow a chainsaw and deal with it and fix the fence panels it took out. I said I’d pay to hire a redneck so he can do his fancy important day job, but he’s basically Bob Vila in his spare time and I know chainsaws are fun, so I won’t spoil it if he really wants to do it  Thank GOD it fell on the fence and not the house  

Orlando fared pretty well, we were lucky Milton weakened and went a bit south, but for some reason our entire neighborhood of about 1000 homes is dark.  Hopefully we’ll get an update on restoration tomorrow  

I am writing this on my iPad by lantern, using my phone as a WiFi hotspot. I’m old enough to miss having a real keyboard so I’m going to grab a flashlight and take the dogs for a walkie, then we’re going to bed crazy early. 4 hours of disrupted sleep last night. Tomorrow, no coffee, a cold shower, and the office.  Where there will be coffee. 

Fingers crossed for power tomorrow.