In Other News....

No, I'm not much better. I'll be sad a long time. The house felt so empty today. It really struck me how much Gidget influenced the vibe, the energy, whatever you want to call it. She wasn't noisy or intrusive or anything but a sweet, smart little dog, but damn, she had presence, even when she was snoring in her bed in my office while I worked. Her absence is felt so much.

Eddie went to the groomer today, and the groomer, who has been grooming my dogs for, damn, 13 years? Hugged me, and again I had to try not to cry when she said how much she loved Gidget and how she was truly a special dog. She lost her dog to a random cancer too, and yeah, it sucks so very much. 

Eddie is of course a joy, but he's adjusting too. It's really noticeable in the morning. We had a morning routine - I turn on the coffee maker, the dogs go out for o-dark-thirty morning walks. We come in and I get coffee and they get treaties. 

For the last few days, Eddie was at sea. He didn't know what he was supposed to do at first. Are there still treaties? I had to tell him yes, he gets morning treats! She was his leader, all nine pounds of few teeth and deafness and cataracts, she was small and in charge, and now he has to figure it out. We both do.

Anyway, in other news...

My new bed was delivered last week, while the world came crashing down. I didn't actually get an uninterrupted night's sleep until the weekend. 

Damn, I love this bed! Yes, it was expensive, but the best money I've spent in forever! I have a sleep app on my Apple watch (not the one included in Health, this one is more detailed) and I now have days of evidence that my sleep has vastly improved, even with the sadness and stress. 

My app has a bar graph of sleep, it shows restful, restless, and interrupted. My bar graph was always colorful, basically half restful (darker blue), half broken (lighter blue), with some interruptions (shown in red) - all three colors were always represented, in little stripes. My resting heart rate wasn't restful, it's now much lower. I honestly had no idea how that ancient bed (and then the Fail Bed) was fucking up my sleep. It was bad, and now I have evidence of how bad. 

If you have sleep issues, don't assume it's your subconscious or your diet or your chakras aren't aligned or whatever. They may be a problem too, but your first suspect should be your bed. 

Now I get enormous stretches of restful sleep, with the occasional and totally normal moments of restless, like a flicker here and there. No interrupted sleep, for the first time in forever.  So, definitely money well spent. 

An Awful Update.

 I started to write a fairly detailed chronological account of how this week went but I just can't, I'm too sad and tired.

 Gidget had to be put to sleep yesterday. I'm still reeling. A week ago today she was fine, on the couch eating treats and bullying Eddie for his. The week began with her limping a bit, and I assumed she'd pulled a muscle jumping off the ottoman. She'd done it before. She didn't want to go up and down the stairs so I carried her, again, nothing suspicious in that. She was otherwise normal, and Monday she even seemed to be walking better.  I told myself I'd call the vet if she didn't fully improve by Wednesday, maybe she needed muscle relaxants or something.

Tuesday she had bloody diarrhea in the night and was obviously in pain. I called the vet and they got her in as an emergency. Her doctor and I both assumed it was a recurrence of pancreatitis, she'd had one incident of that last year. It wasn't. In fact, all her bloodwork was fine, other than elevated readings associated with a painful infection. She was given fluids and pain meds and antibiotics for what looked like an intestinal issue.

Then Tuesday night she couldn't use her rear legs more than a bit, hobbling and half dragging herself. Back to the vet Wednesday for additional meds, this time adding a steroid. Again, we assumed this was pain related due to her intestinal pain, until it progressed. She couldn't walk more than a few steps. Now the suspicion turned to maybe a slipped disk from jumping off the ottoman?

Then by yesterday morning she couldn't stand or walk, but worse, she couldn't pee or poop, not just because of the apparent paralysis, but apparently because her body wasn't getting the signals to do it. They expressed her bladder manually twice. She put up no resistance and didn't even notice. 

At this point her doctor said, "I want to do spinal x-rays, no charge."  

I'm not trained to read x-rays, but even I could see a fairly large spot along her spine where the vertebrae looked like a cloud of something around and through the vertebrae.  Her doctor said it was most likely a fast progressing cancerous tumor. It was moving very fast. She had not only lost the use of half her body, but even her front legs were looking weird, she was sitting with her paws facing east-west, not just a little, but fully sideways. She could half sit up, but not pull herself up straight. I think at that point I knew that whatever it was (almost certainly some form of cancer) , it was progressing like wildfire, blocking all the signals for movement and even basic bodily functions.

So her doctor and I agreed that there was no reasonable further treatment. I've had to euthanize pets before, but this one was the most heartbreaking, not just because it was so sudden, but because Gidget was alert and aware and frightened by her inability to move. Her doctor and I were both in tears, and she said, "I'm the professional, I'm not supposed to cry!" and we sort of laughed through our tears. Gidget was a very special little dog, everyone who knew her loved her, including the staff at her vet's office, who usually only saw her for her allergy shot, because she was otherwise a healthy senior dog.

 So, yeah. The bestest little girl is gone. I've been so touched by the outpouring of grief from everyone she knew, from the vet staff who were sad and silent, to her groomer (she'd actually been scheduled for a haircut, I'd made the appointment a week ago) to, well, everybody. I received so many texts and messages about how wonderful she was. It was a privilege to be her mommy for the last six years. I'm so sad it ended too early and so awfully. 

The Great Bed Adventure, Part Two.

 So, it's here, and it's 6:30 pm and I'm ready to go to bed. I can't of course, the dogs will need a bedtime potty no earlier than 8:30, but then we will all go enjoy the new bed. 

I did test it briefly of course, but I had stuff to do so I didn't dare get too comfortable, lest I fall asleep. 

Because last night was not good. And it left me seriously questioning my Apple watch, which claims I got nearly 8 hours of sleep with only two disruptions. It lies. It is a lying liar. 

I was going to sleep on the couch, but when the old bed left, the dogs were deeply confused. I realized that I wouldn't get a minute's sleep on the couch with two small dogs vying for every available square inch, because OMG MOM! SOMEBODY STOLE THE BED! 

So I set up the air mattress I have on hand for the occasional Kid sleepover. Last time we fired it up was the week the Prince was born, when her overnight with me turned into several days.  It has been in the back of the office closet since. 

I dragged it out and set it up in the space where the bed had been, and coaxed the dogs that it was safe to sleep there. At least it afforded more space for none of us to get any sleep.

It's a very nice air mattress, one of those taller ones with the built in inflation - deflation pump, but yeah, I'm officially too old to sleep on an air mattress. The dogs hated it too, because it was noisy! Every time anybody shifted, it softly sighed and/or farted. Even the ancient mattress, though old enough to be haunted, at least was always silent. At one point I rolled over (fart sound) to see Eddie's head up, like he was on duty. I patted him and told him it was okay, that's just this bed, and he put his head down and slept a bit. 

Then I worked half the day. I took the afternoon off because at this point I hadn't had a decent night's sleep in two weeks, and I got a lot of small random house things done while waiting for the bed delivery and setup. Again, two very nice young men wrestled it up the stairs and set up the base and showed me the buttons on the remote, which is truly a no-brainer. 

 I made the bed and gave the settings a quick whirl to be sure I understood it, yes, no brainer. 

And I absolutely hated those legs, and the lack of a headboard. Mostly the legs though. It looked so institutional. 

I knew nothing about what styling things worked with an adjustable bed, so I Googled bedskirts that work with adjustable beds. And I discovered that  I already owned one!  

The ancient bedskirt from the ancient bed was so old, when I removed it I discovered that it was discolored by the sun on the window-facing side. So a few months ago I bought a cheap wraparound bed skirt. It also worked on the old bed frame with the new mattress that failed. When I totally changed plans for the adjustable bed base I assumed that bed skirt was $20 down the drain. But hey now!

The Google told me that a wraparound bed skirt will work just fine with an adjustable base, and I swear it looks better on this bed than the old one. It hangs perfectly, and I've tested it with the bed's motions and it doesn't move at all. I did not stage this photo for the internet because I'm tired and lazy, so the bedspread is uneven and wrinkled, and there's a dog in need of a haircut asking why we aren't in bed yet. It was 4 p.m. His hair will get cut on Friday.

The bedskirt helps so much, but it still definitely needs a headboard. I've ordered the brackets to attach one, and here's a tip: my first search took me to Amazon, where they do indeed sell universal headboard mounting kits, for over $50.

The actual Tempur-Pedic website had the kit for my model base for $25.  It'll be here tomorrow, though I'm still shopping for the headboard. 

And as I'd hoped, the loyal old Ethan Allen bed frame went to a happy new home. 

 

 I put it on the neighborhood Facebook page (we are blessed with a sane and well run FB page here) and had three takers in 15 minutes. I disassembled it myself and hauled most of it to the garage, though my daughter and FSIL stopped by to take the headboard and footboard down the stairs, it took 5 minutes. Today a neighbor showed up with her minivan, put the seats down and had it loaded up and off to its new life in minutes. I will always miss it, but when I elevate my head to watch TV in bed I will somehow get over it.

The great bed adventure has concluded.  
 

The (entirely unsexy) Great Bed Adventure.

 So, the backstory: I had an ancient bed. Mattress toppers kept the very old mattress and box spring manageable until recently. So, when the Money Pit sold, I vowed that I'd use just a wee bit of the proceeds on life improvement, including a new mattress and box spring. I really wasn't thinking any grander than that, because I honestly couldn't remember when the old mattress had been purchased, I just knew it was old AF. 

Because I hate mattress stores with the white hot heat of 1,000 suns, I went through Costco. I trust them and they included set up and haul away with everything, which was definitely a consideration. I bought a new set, reasonably priced thanks to a 4th of July sale. Not a cheapo set, a name brand, pillow top, medium firm.  It was delivered, the delivery guys were great, they hauled away the ancient set (seriously, I found a tag on it: it had been manufactured in 2002). And I was in love with my new mattress and box spring, it fit my even more vintage bed frame nicely and felt great for the first few weeks.

Then something weird happened, and as time passed it got softer. I'd seen one or two negative reviews online mentioning that theirs had sagged on the side, but most people were positive about it, so I had no reason to think that I'd have an issue. 

Yeah, by this week, not only was the side I slept on noticeably less supportive, but I actually noticed a subtle drop from the middle of the bed to the side. Not "falling off a mountain" dramatic, but definitely no longer level. And out of the blue I was waking up every morning with a backache. I don't have a bad back. Bad knee, yes, but my back is only an issue if I abuse it, and then it recovers in a couple of days, like any back. I don't have chronic back pain. My back had been bothering me for more than a week, and I woke up yesterday morning forced to admit that there was only one suspect: the new mattress. 

I actually tried to convince myself that wasn't the case, until I realized that I woke up with a sore back, it improved as the day went on, I went to sleep comfortably, and woke up with a sore back.  

The other reason I chose to buy through Costco was their return policy: 90 days, they'll just come pick it up. So they're coming on Monday to take the fail mattress away.

Then the question: what to get instead? And I spent days shopping online and fretting about price, having to get a new bed frame, all the moving parts, until I realized I was dithering over a thing I really need and will use for years to come.

And that's when I said Fuck It, I'm Worth It.  I'm upgrading to a Tempur Pedic with an adjustable base, because I'd really, really love to be able to get comfy in bed to watch TV and knit in the evenings. Even the new mattress wasn't ideal for that, even before it went mushy on the side.

And my daughter had mentioned that when she started dating Future Son in Law (I've decided his blog alias will be FSIL, after they marry I can drop the F) he had an adjustable bed. She of course gave him shit about having "an old man bed," then discovered that it was actually awesome.  I've noticed that many of the pictures she sends of The Prince were taken on the bed, they hang out there with him, playing and watching TV. 

We were texting yesterday and she described settings on their remote, and it sounds the same as the one I'm getting, so I think it's the same brand if not the same model. She said the "zero gravity" setting was perfect after a long Disney day, and I am now super stoked.  

It has a remote, it has USB ports. It's not one of their smart models that's supposed to detect snoring and adjust as you sleep, because yeah, that still seems vaguely creepy to me. A remote is good, USB plugs are welcome, a smart bed that watches you sleep? A bridge too far.  Plus, that was like an extra $1000. I'm being plenty extravagant, I don't need a bed that thinks while I'm sleeping. 

I am a bit sad that it can't work with my loyal old bed frame, but it's time to say goodbye. I'll offer it up on the neighborhood FB page, somebody will be furnishing a college apartment and be happy to get a cool vintage Ethan Allen bed frame. It's not in pristine condition, it has lived a full life, but it's sturdy and attractive still. I will salute as it's hauled away.

So, next week will be the great bed shuffle, and I'll be on the couch Monday night. Fingers crossed that it goes smoothly and that the new bed will be as awesome as promised.

Because dammit, I deserve a good night's sleep and being able to watch TV and knit in bed. It's one of the few things to look forward to in this shitshow. 

 

 

 

August, Already?

 Yes, we all still live. No, I will not say anything about the shitshow that is now our country, because there are far better voices out there worth listening to, and hey, brain aneurysm survivor here. I'll let the people who don't have a clip in their brain produce the words about this shitshow. 

 I have always thought of the little clip in my brain as Clippy.  Clippy has been quietly hanging out in my brain for nearly two decades now, but yeah, after that experience one tends to get way more protective about one's stress and all that. 

I may choose to occasionally blog about happy clappy shit, but that's not because I've tuned out. It's because I want to sleep at night and stick around to watch my newest grandchild grow, and hopefully see the first two through to college graduations. 

I'm not disconnected from our national disaster at all, I am tuned in but I don't have the bandwidth to write about it. I still have that pesky day job. 

Anyway, we shall stipulate that everything is awful and nobody really knows what will happen next, and all we can do is what we can do, and find our joy and sanity however we can. 

So, other than the shitshow:

The Prince is officially walking and climbing and determined to maim himself in his adventuring. His first word was "gato" because he's obsessed with their black cat.  He's not being raised to speak only Spanish, so it's it's interesting that he went for "gato" before "cat." His dad's bilingual, but I don't think he's seriously working on teaching him Spanish, it's just naturally thrown into the word mix he's learning. He's a Florida kid, he'll speak Spanglish. 

One of my closest work friends is Puerto Rican by birth, grew up in NYC and came to FL after years in the Bronx, and when I reported that The Prince's first word was gato she was tickled. Her adult kids were raised bilingual, but the grandchildren are learning Spanish in school. She said she looked at their Spanish schoolwork and said, "Nobody talks like that." 

Which is what I've concluded about language education in our schools. In most places it simply sucks. You can get straight As and be unable to converse with anybody. I joke that I can meet The Prince at his level, we can name things like gatos and perros, and maybe foods and colors. In a year or so he will leave me behind and can teach ME. 

I took Spanish (and briefly French) in HS and college. Here's a crazy story: I "tested out" of my last semester of Spanish to finish my BA by taking a written test, and scored at "native proficiency." I CANNOT FUCKING SPEAK SPANISH. I can sometimes get the gist of the conversation around Spanish speakers, but couldn't assemble words into comprehensible sentences for a million dollars. Yet a respectable state university said I did just fine on a written multiple choice test! As I recall, it was structured like the SAT, there would be a written paragraph on a topic followed by questions, and we had to select the multiple choice answers. So yeah, I could take a written test like a native, but couldn't order lunch. That's hilarious and also awful. 

The Prince is already demonstrating his smarts, because at 14 months he understands pretending. My daughter reported that she was trying to get him to settle down to sleep, and he was jumping around like a little maniac. She ordered him to settle down to go to sleep, and he flopped on his belly and began loud FAKE SNORING!! He cracked himself up after a few seconds and resumed jumping around, but yeah. This baby is already a comedian at not quite 15 months. He also shakes his finger for "no-no" though he doesn't actually think it applies to HIM. He's already quite a kid.

The older granddaughters are starting 10th, 8th, and 5th grades. And I'm thrilled to report, "WE GOT US A KNITTER!!" WHOOP-WHOOP!!

The 5th grader reached out via text a week or so ago to ask how to calculate how much yarn to buy for a project. I found and sent a couple of online calculators to get her started. Apparently she's making an afghan for a friend, and they're planning together, while the friend will buy the yarn. So far she's the only crafter of the 3. The eldest is the writer, the Kid is the triple threat athlete, musician and math whiz, but the youngest girl, who is also academically gifted, is a yarnivore. 

Why yes, I do have a fine crop of grandchildren, and I am highly motivateed to be around to watch how they turn out.