Oh, too funny - when I just posted that second bit, the missing first part magically reappeared. Well, part of it did, it appears that an entire paragraph didn't come back from the never-never. Maybe I should just go get another cup of coffee. I have a bit more housework to do before the SIL & Co. arrive tonight, and then I have to figure out what food to buy, since they are not on my diet. I'm fine without any baked goods and such in the house, but I know my sister-in-law has a sweet tooth, so I should pick up a something to go with her morning tea.


Today is also Potter Day - I'm off to buy the newest HP book first thing, so I can read it aloud to my husband when I visit.


Oh, on the subject of knitting - now that I have found a diet that appears to be working, I've decided to postpone starting a Shapely Tank. My tank-wearing season is considerably longer than most, so I'm under no pressure to make one to wear this summer - I can still wear the darn thing in October, and maybe by, say, early August, I'll know what size I need to make.


And on the subject of dieting, Bess wrote a very thoughtful ramble about dieting and body image and why do we care so much, and should we, etc. Go read it if you share these issues, stop reading here if you don't.


My own rambling two cents, and that's about all it's worth: I'm trying to regain my "fightin' weight" at this time because, as I said to a friend, I have to deal with becoming a widow, I have no choice, I have to deal with being middle aged, I have no choice, but I'll be damned if I'll deal with being a dumpy middle-aged widow, because it makes me feel weaker and more an object of pity somehow. When I survive an entire Pilates DVD workout, I feel stronger and younger in more ways than physically, and I really need that right now. For me, the diet and the exercise and is less about getting back into the size 8 jeans and more about feeling like my strongest, most confident, most able to deal with all of this self - the best me. Shallow, maybe. Should I be working on "accepting myself as I am," and to hell with it? I dunno, I've always wondered how much of that attitude is just Happy Talk. I know myself, and I know what I need to feel good, and even though I've been toting this extra poundage around for years now, I've never adjusted to being this size, and it's fairly obvious that I never really will. I think it was Caroline Rea who made the great quip about weight, "I suffer from reverse anorexia, I think I'm thinner than I really am!" That's me, in a nutshell - I can't quite wrap my brain around the present size of my ass, and my brain shows no sign of changing, so I really better work on the ass. I can't spend the rest of my life frustrated and annoyed and slopping around in whatever fits because I'm too depressed to go shopping for "nice" clothes, I've done this long enough and I deserve to feel my best. Basta. And no pasta. That's the ticket.