We're due to have another rainy weekend in Sunny Florida, but I don't mind - I have a swift, a ball winder, and many skeins of Cascade 220 awaiting winding. It's time to cast on that market bag, as seen on Black Dog. Tonight I will park my fanny in front of a pay-per-view movie and knit - not a bad way to spend a birthday at my advanced and decrepit age.


Nursing home knitting continues, and the Xanax Sweater is living up to its soothing purpose. I've done about 10 inches on the body - I love Cotton Fleece, it's the ideal "winter sweater" weight for Florida and it's a pleasure to knit with it. I'm not spending as much time at the nursing home now, though - my husband is sleeping almost all the time, occasionally his eyes flutter open but he doesn't appear aware of his surroundings, and it's hard to sit on that butt-numbing chair all day. I visit every day for a few hours and try to let him know I am there, but as of the other day he doesn't appear to know me anymore and there's really no benefit to him or me to my sitting there for endless hours. I'm on leave from my job right now, but I think that if his status remains the same, I will go back to work part time the week after next. I'm starting to go stir-crazy. If you're the praying type, pray that this nightmare ends soon.

Okay, this is beyond priceless, and can be found here: GeekandProud. Thank you, Dishcloth Queen for finding this one!

Stop me before I shop again! Yes, it's my birthday tomorrow, but I've indulged way more than I should have already! I normally avoid Elann like the dangerous whirlpool of temptation it is, but I decided to "just look" for a bit. A hundred bucks later, I have enough cotton and cotton blends for three sweaters - Stahl's sportweight cotton "Mama Mia" in a chocolate brown, for a sampler-stitch cardigan pattern I already have, and Austermann Saba in Claret and Buttercream, just because it looked so darn nice, plus a Patons pattern booklet for some basic cabled sweaters. I have been off-loading some of my wool over-purchases on my sister-in-law (she's a crocheter, not a knitter) and am really trying to get my stash in balance along with the rest of my life - I have too much wool for this climate, due to my felting fixation, and not enough cotton and cotton blends for actual, wearable garments. We do wear wool here - winter nights and mornings, and occasionally even the days, can be quite cold, and a wool cardigan is just right for days that start out cool and warm up later. But it's just about impossible to justify a wool pullover in this climate, you might get to wear it one day a year. And I have more than enough cardigans done or in the works or planned, so a stash readjustment was definitely in order.

Stressed? Suffering from insomnia? Try the Stockinette Solution - cast on a nice plain vanilla sweater, worked in the round, in a serene color (Cotton Fleece Malibu Blue is working nicely) and start knitting - just knitting. No patterns, no counting, no thinking, just let your fingers go. I'm hypnotized by the repetition, the round and round of nothing but knit, knit, knit, my breathing regulates, my body relaxes, my mind wanders - and last night I went to bed very early and slept almost 10 hours, which is the longest night's sleep in weeks that was totally free of weird stress dreams. I should name this sweater Xanax. People wonder how I have managed to avoid needing mood-altering drugs to get through this situation; I tell them it's because I knit, and they look at me strangely, but I swear that's the truth. I've done about 8 inches of the body so far, and I love the color and the sheen of the yarn. I also love that I've calculated that I will have enough left over after this pullover to make a Shapely Tank in the same color - not to wear together, of course, but just to have it. I bought this yarn on eBay, from a seller (francispatricksales) who almost always has Brown Sheep seconds available - they're not quite the right shade per their color card, but there's not a darn thing wrong with the yarn. I've bought several lots and never had a problem. The quantity in each lot is more than I need for a sweater, so there's always leftovers for kid items or, in this case, tanks.


After my good night's sleep, I feel a bit more fresh and able to start, or finish, something else, something that requires a bit more concentration. I think the market bag is calling.


Sorority Girl left yesterday - she has a job up at school and can't be away from it too long, competition for jobs being fierce in university towns. Of course, considering the fiscal damage done at the mall the other night, perhaps it's just as well she doesn't live here year-round. I don't need a full-time shopping accomplice.


The days are very long and draining right now. I tend to lose track of the days/date, as they all blur into a hellish loop of repetition. Only somebody who has lived through the very slow deterioration and death of a loved one - particularly a spouse - probably could understand the mixed emotions, the sadness that his life is almost over, mixed with frustration that this is taking so LONG to be over. The kids and I have been grieving his loss for a long time now - there was never any real chance that this story would end any other way, and we all knew it.


Whoops, sorry for that depressing segue - back to actual knitting content soon, I promise.

Retail Therapy

A successful shopping trip is like God's way of saying life will be good again. Last night the girlchild and I hit our favorite mall and the sales therein, and scored well at Ann Taylor, J Crew, Ann Taylor Loft and the shoe sale at Burdines. She made out like a bandit, as she usually does when she comes home, but it was all practical, much-needed stuff and on sale. I am still on the "I don't wanna buy clothes for this dumpy body," thing, but that does not apply to shoes - I actually found sandals with heels that fit like a dream. A pair I coveted was not available in my size, and now I just may have to stop at another Burdines and see if they have them there, before this shopping buzz wears off.


I strayed from the South Beach Diet path a bit for a couple of days, but it hasn't been that hard to get back onto it. Now I really have to work on working exercise into my day on a regular basis, and not sporadically. I'm sure I have abdominal muscles around here somewhere, I just don't know where I left them.


Knitting content: As of this week, I am officially all moused out. I'm out of most of the scrap yarn I was using to make them, and I think I've made enough for now. One of these days I will gather them and take a photo of the herd for posterity, before I start giving them away again. But I needed another mindless project, so I cast on a Cotton Fleece v-neck pullover in blue, knitted in the round, plain and simple, pattern courtesy of Sweater Wizard.


That is, of course, not the only thing I have on needles right now - I snapped together my nifty Denise needles and made a very long circular to do the button band on the rose cardigan, and did about a row of same - a row is, ummm, like 300-ish stitches, I think. That is not a portable project and it's very warm when I hold it on my lap, so I've only managed a little progress on it. I WILL sit down early one morning in the next few days and finish it off, and move on to finishing off the gray hoodie. I'm loving those Denise needles, they work just as promised. You know you want them.....


The silly little Boa throw pillow is also unfinished, because at this point I really need to check the fit against the pillow form as I go along, so it has been downgraded to an "at home only" project. Seems to be a trend with my WIPs lately.


And I'm fighting a strong urge to buy more Lion Brand Cotton-ease, while Joann's actually has it in stock, to make a Rambling Rows baby afghan. Don't ask me why - my world is baby-free at this point - but I see those vivid colors and the softness, and the weight is just right for summer, and I have the urge to make one for an as-yet-non-existent grandchild. Go figure. Actually, I'm thinking of making a Rambling Rows afghan for myself out of something lightweight and cottony, and that's what got me thinking. Unfortunately, the Cotton-ease colors aren't what I have in mind for an afghan for my own bedroom, but that's okay, since I haven't even decided on a color scheme for the bedroom, which desperately needs repainting, so I'm in no rush to start an afghan of my own. I just want to make a small one. Just a little bitty one....can't hurt, right?

The in-laws are on their way back to Georgia today. It was a pleasant visit, considering the awful circumstances bringing them here. I'm very grateful that throughout this ordeal the family has managed to avoid the Jerry Springer-esque behavior that often comes forth during times of tension and tragedy. Sorority Girl and I used to call the ladies' room on the oncology floor "The Springer Show," because it wasn't unusual to walk in to find a cluster of family members all but coming to blows as they rehashed some long-held family grudges. We've all managed to remain friendly and functional, and may it continue (she says, knocking wood).


Meanwhile, Sorority Girl arrived safely yesterday afternoon, and we have planned some retail therapy breaks between nursing home trips during her visit. Between retail therapy, pay-per-view movies and knitting (for me, she doesn't knit) we should muddle through.


Someone on Knitter's Review quipped that knitting is a "gateway drug" to other addictions, like spinning and quilting. I'd just been thinking that myself - especially since a KR friend Bess is brazenly luring me into spinning and dyeing. First she sends me a skein of her lovely handspun yarn, then casually mentions that it dyes so beautifully, now she's openly threatening to put a spindle in my hands at the November Knitters Review retreat. Isn't this the fiber addict equivalent of forcibly injecting heroin? Shouldn't there be some law against leading someone into this sort of temptation?


I think the course of the addiction runs as follows - you start out with a little innocent knitting, just for fun - a little bit of acrylic from Walmart, aluminum needles, what's the harm? Then someone suggests that natural fibers give you a better knitting high, and you sample a little wool. Next you start feeling dissatisfied with the delivery system of the drug - those Walmart needles just aren't smooth enough - so you treat yourself to Addi turbos. Now knitting is starting to feel really, really satisfying, and you start buying more and more yarn and patterns and books, feeding the craving. By now you are hanging out with fellow addicts, deep in the shady underbelly of knitting addiction, and there you start hearing talk about other fiber highs - pots of dye, spindles, spinning wheels - and people are talking about yarn in terms of fleeces rather than skeins, and you start wondering what you're missing. Pretty soon you are deeply into an addiction that interferes with getting up for work in the morning, ("Must...finish...this...skein....") and your loved ones are starting to worry about the quantity of fibers stashed in your house - especially when they start finding skeins of yarn in the kitchen, the bedroom, the desk drawer at your office.... People are beginning to talk.

I refuse to touch a spindle, BESS! You will NOT lure me further into the sordid world of fiber addiction - at least not via that method. Now, if somebody sits me down at a loom....

Quickly, before I go tidy up (read, change sheets and vacuum Natasha's hair off everything else) the Room Formerly Known as Sorority Girl's Room - yesterday was an Excellent Mail Day. The yarn from Threadbear arrived, and it's just what I'd envisioned. Unfortunately, it's NOT what the digital camera envisioned - the pictures came out so not-true to color, it's not even worth posting them. I'll try again in better lighting, after I get it all rolled on my handy ball-winder. But that will be in a few days, because company is descending upon me shortly.


In addition to the yarn from Threadbear, I had ordered two books from KnitPicks: Simply Knit and the Filatura di Crosa Spring/Summer collection - mostly for this particular tank: Shell with Neck Ruffle. Though I will not be making it out of that yarn, because it would cost about $65 to do it. I don't do $65 tank tops. Puh-leeze.


I bought Simply Knitmostly for the Obi jacket, then I saw the Thai jacket - Oooooh. They're both so cool, which one do I really want? The dilemma....

Hilarious! "Granny knitter" is, I think, an "average" knitter. Be sure to read the other possible answers - I nearly spat coffee at the reference to the Tiny Diva! And thanks to this blogger: And she knits too! for leading me to that one.


You may not be a granny, but you've got the
mentality. Hard work and artistic vision lead
to your beautiful knitted results.


Are you a knitter?
brought to you by Quizilla

Oh, too funny - when I just posted that second bit, the missing first part magically reappeared. Well, part of it did, it appears that an entire paragraph didn't come back from the never-never. Maybe I should just go get another cup of coffee. I have a bit more housework to do before the SIL & Co. arrive tonight, and then I have to figure out what food to buy, since they are not on my diet. I'm fine without any baked goods and such in the house, but I know my sister-in-law has a sweet tooth, so I should pick up a something to go with her morning tea.


Today is also Potter Day - I'm off to buy the newest HP book first thing, so I can read it aloud to my husband when I visit.


Oh, on the subject of knitting - now that I have found a diet that appears to be working, I've decided to postpone starting a Shapely Tank. My tank-wearing season is considerably longer than most, so I'm under no pressure to make one to wear this summer - I can still wear the darn thing in October, and maybe by, say, early August, I'll know what size I need to make.


And on the subject of dieting, Bess wrote a very thoughtful ramble about dieting and body image and why do we care so much, and should we, etc. Go read it if you share these issues, stop reading here if you don't.


My own rambling two cents, and that's about all it's worth: I'm trying to regain my "fightin' weight" at this time because, as I said to a friend, I have to deal with becoming a widow, I have no choice, I have to deal with being middle aged, I have no choice, but I'll be damned if I'll deal with being a dumpy middle-aged widow, because it makes me feel weaker and more an object of pity somehow. When I survive an entire Pilates DVD workout, I feel stronger and younger in more ways than physically, and I really need that right now. For me, the diet and the exercise and is less about getting back into the size 8 jeans and more about feeling like my strongest, most confident, most able to deal with all of this self - the best me. Shallow, maybe. Should I be working on "accepting myself as I am," and to hell with it? I dunno, I've always wondered how much of that attitude is just Happy Talk. I know myself, and I know what I need to feel good, and even though I've been toting this extra poundage around for years now, I've never adjusted to being this size, and it's fairly obvious that I never really will. I think it was Caroline Rea who made the great quip about weight, "I suffer from reverse anorexia, I think I'm thinner than I really am!" That's me, in a nutshell - I can't quite wrap my brain around the present size of my ass, and my brain shows no sign of changing, so I really better work on the ass. I can't spend the rest of my life frustrated and annoyed and slopping around in whatever fits because I'm too depressed to go shopping for "nice" clothes, I've done this long enough and I deserve to feel my best. Basta. And no pasta. That's the ticket.

Unreal. I just wrote a post and thought, "Damn, I don't want Blogger to eat this, I'll save it while I look for the things I want to link to!" So I clicked Post, and it appeared in the bottom pane, just as it should. So I went about my business and came back, and now the post is GONE. Gone. Vanished. HOW do they do this?


Off in the imaginary world of "SomedaywhenIhavetime," I envision a new blog, not hosted by Blogger, made with my own two hands. Until then I guess I'll continue cursing Blogger.

Still no knitting worth reporting - a couple more mice, this time I experimented with some colorwork on the mouse body, it looks cute pre-felting but I don't know about post felting. If it works I'll be kicking myself that I didn't do this on more of them. I don't like colorwork - it's a weird prejudice born in childhood, but I don't like the stranding on the back - no matter how neatly done, it feels thick and bulkier to me and it just makes me feel icky, like lima beans make me feel icky. I think it's because as a very small child I a really cute sweater with little dogs knitted into the sleeves, and whenever I stuck my arm into it I'd catch a fingernail on one of the strands, and that really bothered me. See, I said it was weird. But on a felted mouse, where the icky-thicky stranded part will be felted and INSIDE, where I don't have to touch it or worry about snagging it, it's fine. Now you have had a quick glimpse into one of the weirder corners of my brain. Scary, isn't it?


I was so exhausted yesterday - I think the strain of this endless marathon from hell is starting to wear me down. I actually went to bed at 8:30 last night and slept until the dog woke me at 5:20 because he had to go out NOW. (No wonder, that's a lot of hours for his little peanut bladder to hold out.) No phone calls, no nothing, which was a relief - I feel like all I do in this twisted, hellish life is trudge to the nursing home, sit with my husband, then field phonecalls as I report to friends and family members - "Yep, he's unchanged. Just another day in hell. How was your day? Went shopping, eh? Went to the office, did you? How nice for you." I went to a nursing home and sat in an uncomfortable chair with my dying husband. Been doing it for weeks now. Before that I went to the hospital and sat with him, or cared for him at home, or hauled him to various doctors who couldn't do a damn thing for him. And I have lived like this for two years, enslaved by the Cancer Machine, and the only way I can ever have a normal life again is when he dies. And then "relative" is normal, because God knows where I'll be left, financially, professionally, in any way, by the time this is over. And the weirdest part is, as I am spending all of my days dealing with the horrible fact of my husband's slow, awful death, I'm still getting shit from family members who want to backseat drive HOW I am dealing with everthing. Not his family. Mine. Enough about that, this is not the place to rant about it.

Oh my, another one for the wish list: Folk Bags.

So I'm browsing on Amazon, finishing my coffee, and clicked on new knitting books - look what's coming out in the fall: Knit One, Felt Too and Felted Knits. Makes a felting addict's heart go pitter-pat, doesn't it?

My un-birthday keeps getting less happy and more stressful, but my gifts to me are starting to arrive - yesterday the Denise needle set was on my doorstep when I got home. I was somewhat distracted by other things and didn't fire it up immediately, but I did take out and fondle the pieces for a few minutes - very nice, the cords are really soft and flexible - I was wondering, since they are curled up in that case, whether they would be somewhat stiffish, but they're the softest I've ever touched. Now I can finish the button bands on the rose cardie and the gray hoodie. Whoo-hoo!


Okay, so does anybody else drool over the menus and turn green with envy when you read about Rob's Third Thursdays? It sounds like so much fun, and I'm bummed that I'm so far away.


Funny thing is, I was going to ramble just a bit about the "House Wine of the South" (Sweet Tea) myself. I gave up sweet tea many years ago, because when made the traditional way it contains a ton of sugar. I tried Equal in iced tea, but somehow it didn't have the right sweetness. I can't describe the difference, but there's a difference. So I just learned to like unsweet and got over it, but I did find myself drinking less iced tea. But I tried Splenda recently, and I'll be darned - Splenda in iced tea creates the "right" sweetness, the authentic sweet tea flavor I'd been missing. So now I'm hooked on it again. I even bought a new Mr. Coffee Iced Tea Maker at Target to celebrate, I dump the Splenda into the brew basket with the tea bags, and a fresh pitcher of sweet decaf Luzianne (it doesn't turn cloudy in the fridge) sits in the fridge every day. Just thought I'd pass that along to any sweet tea addicts who haven't tried Splenda yet.


My blogging may get somewhat sporadic over the next week or so - my sister-in-law and her daughter and granddaughter are coming down from Atlanta tomorrow, and Sorority Girl comes home for a visit on Monday. And when I'm not busy with guests or at the nursing home, I'll be sitting at the door right next to the Bossy One, waiting for the mailman and my yarn from Threadbear - I'm just itching to cast on that market bag, but I think it'll have to wait until my SIL goes home - I am NOT a person who can work on a new pattern with distractions like chatty houseguests. I need quiet to concentrate. That's why I have been working the same easy, repetitive patterns so often - bags and mice require no thought. But at this point, between finishing projects and starting new ones, I have plenty on my knitting plate - it's time to go on a yarn diet for a bit, until I work through the stash.

J.K. Rowling is truly a beautiful person. Read this: Harry Potter


This story hit me hard, because my 48 year old husband was waiting for the latest installment with the same excitement as the little girl in this story, who also had kidney cancer. I intend to buy the new book tomorrow and start reading it out loud while visiting him. I don't know how much he can process right now, but I think he'll try to listen.

Oh, too funny - today's Dilbert is SO on target for me! Dilbert It usually is - we have a Dilbert calendar at the office, and we call it the "Oracle of Dilbert" - too often the strip of the day is directly applicable to events in the office. That's both funny and sad.

The update on my husband is there really is no update - overall, his condition is unchanged. There are daily changes in his comfort level and behavior (sleeping all the time, not sleeping at all, hallucinating alot, semi-lucid for short times, eating, not eating) but at this point he appears to be stable and in no distress. It's just not possible to predict the course of this - he could stay like this for a few more weeks, or have a sudden brain bleed from the tumors and be gone in minutes. I try to be there as much as I can, but I'm somewhat comforted to see that he has mostly "moved on" from this world already - he still knows me when I'm there, but expresses no concern one way or the other when I leave. It's a very long, surreal, and exhausting process, but the kids and I are holding up okay.


Sometimes when I cruise the knitting blog ring I'm struck by how many of the bloggers are much younger than I am - not all, but many. I'll be 45 in a few days, and I'm actually perfectly okay with that, but it dawned on me yesterday that not only am I one of the "older bloggers" but I'm definitely deep into grownup adulthood in every way. I have grown kids. Most of my friends have grown kids (no grandkids yet, or I'd really feel old), we are well-established in actual, grownup careers, worrying about our 401Ks and talking about things like profit sharing and how to care for our elderly parents. When did I become one of these people? Why, just the other day I was one of you young'uns, juggling preschool party schedules. And I swear, in my head I'm barely an adult at all!

So, on the advice of the "South Beach Diet" book and following the example of my friend Kim, I pretty much gave up caffeine for 10 days. Enough of that experiment. I don't consume that much caffeine anyway - coffee in the morning, and an occasional Diet Coke, that's about it - but obviously I need it. It's funny, but I looked around last night and realized that a layer of clutter had grown in my house (and I'm the only one here, so there's nobody to blame) and I also realized I hadn't had the ambition to exercise in several days. This morning I'm back on the high octane stuff.


The Bernat Boa is in the process of becomng a throw pillow cover for Sorority Girl's new abode, which will be shared with her best friends, two fellow SGs. I'm knitting it with a strand of Lion Brand Microspun in black (always shop the stash first, that's my motto) and it's so nice - very soft and it doesn't shed at all. Somehow I expected some eyelash fallout, but nary a lash has fallen, despite some fairly rough jostling in the knitting bag. It looks like it will take two balls of the stuff to cover one side of a 16-in pillow form, and coincidentally that's how many I bought, so the back will be plain black Microspun, double-stranded and garter stitched. That'll do. I'm debating a way to make the cover removable for washing, but the challenge of the eyelash yarn is stumping me a bit. A zipper is way out - it'd snag. A button closure might work, but the buttonholes would have to be on the solid side of the pillow because buttonholes would be swallowed in the Boa side, never to be seen again. Photos when it's done.


Still procrastinating about finishing details on the many small felted bags - I did decide that the buttons are going to be ornamental, and the bags will be closed with a bit of velcro under the flap. The buttons are such irregular shapes I don't think they'd all do a very good job of holding the flap shut, and I have a vision of the buttonhole getting stretched out of shape. So it's just a matter of sitting down and doing the tedious stitching work, but since those bags aren't really "due" until fall, I'm not exactly rushing to do it.

It may be a sign of the Apocalypse - the Joann's Etc. near me actually restocked its yarn department! I nearly swooned. After fanning myself and breathing deeply, I picked up some cute new fun stuff to sample - check this out:

It's a little hard to see in the photo, but the Bernat Boa is a rich, deep purple, just gorgeous. The other yarn's colors are true. I'll take both to the nursing home with me and swatch. I was not sure what I'd do with the purple feathery stuff, then remembered - I have some black Microspun in the ol' stash, and this purple would make a good carry-along for accents on a throw pillow. I also have some gorgeous black and purple Homespun in the same stash, awaiting new life as an afghan. I think a project has been born. The colors were so vibrant and fun, I could hardly decide between them - now I'm glad I grabbed the purple, it has a purpose after all.

No idea what I'll do with the bright Cha-Cha, besides swatch it and enjoy it - but it would also be adorable on a funky throw pillow. Fun, silly stuff, I love it!

Just for my daughter's sake, a picture of her cat. Just for everybody else's sake, I didn't follow through on my threat to take one of her in her natural pose, projectile-vomiting a hairball on something. I was reading "Groovitude" today - the latest "Get Fuzzy" collection - and nodding at just about every page.
She's Bucky's just-as-evil sister, I swear!

Oh look, the file upload function is back!

What a pretty blog! Anna Knits. I want a pretty blog. I want a firm ass, too, but both require me to put in time working on them. Oh well, one of these days.

Blogger ate my damn post. Let's try this again.


My birthday's not until the end of the month and I'm certainly in no mood to celebrate, but I did buy myself a few early birthday presents - in addition to the Denise needle set (cleverly rationalized as an economical alternative to investing in several long circulars), this morning I ordered Cascade 220 from Threadbear for a market bag, as seen on Black Dog. Once again, I'm knocked out by the very swift, very friendly service, and excellent selection and prices. Rob said he'd made the same bag in colors similar to my choices - a rich red, a deep purple, teal, and gold, with black trim - and it turned out great, so I'm very jazzed about this project. Next up will have to be that Obi sweater.


I'm also going through the yarn stash, thanks to Nanette Blanchard's good influence. She mentioned a women's prison in WV that needs yarn for the inmates' knitting project, and I'm loading a box today. Here's the link: Alderson Hospitality House. It's perfect for the sizeable remnants of projects past, as well as the inevitable "What was I thinking?" yarn lurking in every crazed knitter's stash.

Still mousing - in stripes now. I also need to hurry up and make a felted teddy bear for Murphy. Yesterday I discovered that the catnip mice I made for my own cats are being held hostage under the bed, in Murphy's Secret Hideout. I need to arrange a hostage exchange - a bear of his very own for the mice.

So, I'm now suffering from Reverse Startitis - am I the first known victim of Finishitis? I'm looking around at the UFOs, and it's finish it or rip it time. So I sat down this morning to pick up stitches for the button band of the rose Lamb's Pride cardigan - all done but for button band, and I LOVE it, it turned out really nice, simple and classic - and quickly figured out that my longest size 6 circular wasn't going to get the job done at all. What to do, what to do?


A little shopping around....let's see, I could buy a 47" Addi circular, which will be barely long enough, for $12. That's one needle. Then I've got the gray hoodie in the same state of unfinished, but that one needs a smaller-size long needle for the button band - so now we're at $24...for two needles...hmmm. OR I could do what I really want to do and buy the Denise set. So obviously, this is both the sensible and economical solution, right? Absolutely. Done deal, they're already ordered - unfortunately, that doesn't help my immediate need for Finishitis Gratification.


Still mousing along - yesterday I made one with stripes which turned out so cute and silly, it's stripes from now on.


Okay, so now I'm starting to believe Rob is dangerous reading for me. I've been thinking about that Obi sweater in Simply Knit ever since I saw a photo of it, now he raves about it on his blog, and links to other gorgeous photos, AND suggests yarn, AND when I follow the link, I find a colorway I love: Crazy Woman. Even the name is saying, "Yes, I am meant for you." First the Knitters magazine bag, now this.


First report on the South Beach Diet - 3.5 lbs gone in the first week - which would be a good first week on any diet, but this is an even bigger accomplishment because I've been on a 6 month plateau, gaining and losing the same 2-4 lbs, but never getting past that set point, until now. It's a very easy diet for me, because it's not very different from the way I eat already - lean meat, chicken, fish, green veggies, avoiding processed stuff. I just tweaked my diet a bit according to the SBD guidelines and the weight is coming off again. I'm actually "cheating" right off the bat, too, because I skipped the "induction" phase of the diet, just because I wasn't in the mood to pay attention. I just knocked out the casual carbs I was consuming here and there - no bread, no cereal, rice, pasta, potatoes, and of course no sugary anything - but I do allow myself a few indulgences, like real half and half in my coffee and a White Chocolate Mocha from Starbucks after church.


I learned a lot from Weight Watchers - I did it online, because no way could I attend regular meetings these days - and one thing I learned while keeping track of my points was that I wasn't eating enough calcium. It seemed like I couldn't eat enough calcium rich foods and stay within my points, and I think fat-free dairy products taste awful, so I took a supplement. On the South Beach Diet low fat cheese sticks and calcium-enriched V-8 are encouraged snacks, so I'm eating a healthy amount of calcium and still losing weight. Not bad at all.

Or maybe I want to knit a Suki instead. Look at the colors on this one: Dogs Steal Yarn. Gorgeous! Or maybe I just want to take one of the patterns I really like and do something different with it. I love the "My Constant Companion" bag from Knitkit, it's a very useful style for carrying books or just about anything. Maybe one of those in hot tropical stripes? Or maybe I should just keep on finishing things until I figure out what I want, and not buy any more yarn right now. The stash is obscene, I tell you. I need to get a grip. The problem, I think, is I just LOVE to get packages in the mail, and if the package contains yarn, hey, it doesn't get better than that!


The final, I think, Pink Lady bag is felting even as I type, and this one really IS pink. Another nine mice are felting too. I may be nearing the end of the Pink Lady bag and catnip mouse frenzy - I'll have to take a final count after subtracting the ones I am giving away, and see where I stand.

Template features have reappeared, ability to post photos has not. I'll assume they're working on it.

Oh my - I was just thinking that I want to make a colorful felted bag for ME - I've done the plain ones, I want something different. And the blogging universe answers instantly - Rob has a link to an entrelac bag in Knitters Summer '01 that is too cute and would work great with the kind of rich colors I have in mind. I never would have come across it in my disorganized pattern stash - I know I must have that issue, but summer '01 was the very bad summer we learned my husband had cancer, so details like the contents of Knitters sure ain't in the old mental filing cabinet. Now I have to pick some lovely colors of my favorite yarn and order it from him to thank him.

Oh, looks like I've been migrated to the "New Blogger." Don't see access to my template anymore. Help is notably unhelpful - many of the topics are blank at this time. My daughter requested more cat pictures, and I was going to comply but hey, there's no button to ok the addition of the photo. It's cute - you can upload the file, it asks if you want to link it as an inline file, but you can't say yes, because THERE IS NO BUTTON to link the damn thing! Okie-dokey. I don't have time to be annoyed right now, but I will find this annoying later. Maybe they will straighten it out by the time I can find the energy to care, and then I won't have to waste the energy caring about it.


It appears that the plague of flies was only a one day affair - fortunately, flies don't live long. Yesterday I saw only 4 stragglers on the atrium screen. Good thing, since I don't have time to deal with it right now. The Thing(s) Under the Atrium Floor gets a temporary reprieve, too - God knows how long it/they have lived there, and until the plague of flies I hadn't noticed. They can't get into the house, they are surrounded on 3 sides by the concrete foundation. As long as no bugs are getting in, and so far they are not, I can put off evicting them awhile longer.


I have a strange urge to start my first lace shawl, but I'm resisting until I can finish some unfinished projects. I know I really don't have the attention span for lace right now, so who am I kidding? I am suddenly infected with startitis, I want to grab every pattern I own (and that's a lot) and dig in. I will resist, though - I have actually been in a phase of finishing what I start, and I don't want to backslide into chronic startitis.


And on that note, I will not spin. I refuse to spin. I see blogs everywhere, full of spinners spinning away, and I've decided that it is not for me - not because it's not cool or I wouldn't enjoy it, but I can see it eating time I really need to spend on other things. Like knitting my way through the stash from hell, and learning to sew well, and perhaps learning to weave. Besides, it's wacky enough to be a rabid knitter in Florida, but do I really need to take on another hobby which focuses largely on fibers too warm for this climate? (Yes, I know you can spin cotton and silk...shut up.)


Sewing lessons, that's the next, and important, item on my recreational agenda. I never had home ec in school, my mother tried to teach me a bit when I was about 12-13ish, but like Sorority Girl and knitting, it just didn't take. Now I really want to learn, because I'm sick of the poorly made, yet pricey, lookalike crap in the department stores around here.


I may not let myself slide into chronic startitis this week, but I do intend to cast on that cute cabled tea cosy (I'd link to it but....) today. I'm drinking a lot of tea - my new passion is Mate Chino, also from Glenbrook Farms. It really does taste rich and chocolaty, especially with a little Splenda to sweeten it, and it's full of good-for-you stuff, too. Allegedly yerba mate also sharpens the mind, and God knows I need that these days. A tea cosy is small - it doesn't count toward startitis, does it?

Yale
You're second best, and you know it. Still, those
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Okay, so as if I don't already have enough to deal with right now, this morning I was back in my son's old room, now my craft room (though that's going to change, more about that another time) - I happened to glance out onto the small atrium/porch. It's full of flies. I mean full of flies, like the Amityville Horror kind of infestation. Sonofabitch.


It's hard to describe the layout, but picture a small rectangle - one side of the rectangle is screened. One side is the sliding glass door into my daughter's old room. One is the sliding glass door into my son's old room. One is a wall with a window on it, opening into my bedroom. Above is a contiguous roof with a skylight. The atrium is not accessible from the outside. It has a wooden deck floor, which I have always wanted to replace with a concrete slab. Well that's no longer a wish list item, it's gonna happen. That wooden floor is coming out NOW.


Because, when I walked around that side of the house to find out what the hell was going on, I saw that some enterprising animal had removed the bottom board from the small deck, and scuff marks in the newly laid mulch are clear evidence that somebody has been traveling in and out under that deck. Possum or raccoon, that's the only question - the drag marks of a round belly are obvious. If the board fell off on its own, I'd say possum - I can't see one of them being ambitious enough to actually remove a board, they'll dig but they're not much for working with their hands. But I'll put nothing past a raccoon - I love 'em dearly, I think they're hilarious and cute, but they are adorable pains in the butt. One friend has all but padlocked his garbage cans at his house, because they have managed to figure out how to open every latch he has tried. Anyway, somebody has moved in under that deck, dragged in dinner, left the remains to rot, flies were born, and now my back porch looks like the freakin' Amityville Horror as the flies swarmed up through the deck boards. So I grabbed some spray and killed as many as I could through the screen - I don't DARE open the sliding doors into the house to attack them, I'd be freakin' swarmed in minutes. So, just when I have no time or energy or spare cash to deal with it, I am going to have to hire a good critter wrangler, who will probably have to rip out that wood floor to get my freeloading tenants out.


And no, I don't live in the country. I live in a suburb of Orlando, in a neighborhood of "established homes" - by Florida standards, where everything was built five minutes ago, that means the neighborhood is over 20 years old. Lots of landscaping, a couple of lakes. Small animals in droves - bunnies and possums and raccoons, citrus rats and the owls that hunt them, osprey fishing in the lakes, turtles, ducks, great blue herons, they all live here with us. It's amazing how we displace nature with subdivisions, and in time nature moves right back in - and in this case, gets even. Very cool, too.


BTW, the softhearted can rest assured, I will call a critter removal service, not a critter killer, to get whatever this is out. They can take him/her/them to the state park a few miles away and wave bye-bye. I'm too softhearted to kill them, unless it's rabid or poisonous, it gets to live. Just not under my porch, if it won't take out its trash.

Yesterday's mail brought 3 new patterns from Halcyon Yarn (another favorite - fast shipping, very nice company). I am not one to re-invent the wheel without looking around to see if somebody else has a wheel I like. I wanted to make a rectangular shoulder wrap, a cabled tea cosy, and some felted animals, and found the following patterns which were just what I was looking for: this wrap Cupid's Arrow Shoulder Wrap, this tea cosy pattern Braided Cable Tea Cosy, and these cute little guys: Felted Llamas.

Back when I first got into felting as an addiction, oh, probably 2+ years ago now, I bought some Baabajoe's Wool Pak at my LYS. Didn't like the felt for wearable items - too hairy for my taste. But the colors are cream and gray, and the hairiness would be perfectly suited to these llamas. The tea cosy is just what I had imagined when I started noodling around with the idea of making one, and now I don't have to do all the trial-and-error of figuring out a pattern myself. Lazy? Yes, I am.


I've finished another six mice and two Pink Lady bags. The last of my Threadbear order - the lovely pink, goes onto the needles later today for the last of that batch of bags. I may have a bag or two in me after that, but then I think it will be time to move on to different small, portable projects. The lighting where I sit in the nursing home isn't good enough for socks, and the knitting conditions aren't good for complicated patterns, so it is somewhat challenging to find the right sort of "mindless, but not too mindless, portable, easy to see, and yet still useful," patterns. Hence, mice and bags for the craft table. It gets me through the day.


I spoke to the kids yesterday, so here's the public update on my husband's condition - he alternates between sleeping deeply and periods in which he's awake, but floating in and out of hallucinations. This is a common thing when one is near the end of life, however, it's a bit complicated in his case because the brain mets could be causing the hallucinations, so it's not necessarily a signal that the end is that imminent in his particular case. His vital signs are still strong. It appears that it will be soon, though. I hope it will be, this nightmare has gone on far too long. His pain appears to be managed well, and I can't say enough good things about the staff at that nursing home. The facility is old and a bit ratty looking, but the staff is first rate. I wish he could be here at home, but it's just not possible with his physical care needs - he needs round-the-clock more-than-one-person care, and home hospice can't staff me with help to do it here. Fortunately, his mental state means that he's not really aware of how often I'm there or not, and I have no indication that he misses me when I'm not there - he greets me by name, but he's mostly in his own world at this point. Still, it's difficult to deal with the reality of keeping the rest of life going - paying bills, dealing with the administrative aspects of his care (a full time job in itself at times), taking care of the house and the animals, checking in at the office, etc., and spending as much time as possible with him, without burning myself out. The repetitive motion of mindless knitting is the best stress reliever under these circumstances, I can't imagine what I'd do if I didn't knit, and I'm not kidding.

You are an enigma wraped in a mystery, you blog
for yourself. You have your own reasons for
doing what you do. We are still glad your here!


What kind of blogger am I?
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Found the link to the quiz here: Fillyjonk's progress thanks to Erica! I guess it's true, I blog for myself - I enjoy fooling around with it, and I've met some nice people, virtually speaking, this way. That's all there is to it for me.


Finished and felted the light green bag, and I love the color. The bright turquoise blue bag is more than halfway done - I'm not kidding when I say these are really fast and easy to make. I really need to concentrate on mice again - I've had more requests for them and I still hope to stockpile a good stash of them for the craft table, before I get sick of the pattern and can't bear the thought of making any more. Must...think...mice. Photos to follow, as soon as I get a chance to sit down and trim stray ends, pick excess fuzz, put on buttons, and arrange semi-artfully in decent light. Decent light is the big issue this week - despite the weatherbunnies cheerfully chirping about another bright sunshiny Florida day every freaking morning, the reality is the clouds start gathering by 10 a.m. (it's 8 and growing overcast even as I type) and it rains all freaking afternoon. Welcome to the rainy season in Sunny Florida. It's very much like living on a soggy, moldy kitchen sponge.


Despite thinking that I shouldn't cast on anything for myself right now because I don't want anything to remind me of this time in my life, that theory may be tested. The new issue of Knitty is out, and the amazing Bonne Marie Burns wrote an article on the mysteries of short rows - nice in itself, but the pattern she uses for her illustration is the Shapely Tank Top I've been planning to make. I have the yarn, I want it, and I am going to have to sit down in front of this screen and cast that one on. I've done short rows before, here and there, in a limited way - socks, etc. - and I understand the concept well enough, but I think doing it via this pattern with Bonne's explanations may perhaps bring me to the point of True Oneness with the Short Rows. Very useful skill to have when one is on the busty side and produced a daughter from that gene pool - shaped sweaters are much more flattering than making something big all over to accommodate the portion that needs the accommodation.


I love the articles in this issue, they are very on-target with my knitting thoughts lately. Love the review of the Denise needle system - I kept looking at it, wondering, now I'm seriously thinking I need this. Love the striped kid's sweater, again, I missed that on my fast glance yesterday, but damn, it's Mission Falls Cotton, which I love, and a cute style, I think my little friend of the Barbie dresses might get one for her birthday. Love the bags - I have an obsession with accessories. It's official; Knitty is way better than any of the spring/summer print magazines this season.

BIG Mis-STEAK
Fed the Bossy One some steak over the weekend, spoiling him rotten as usual. Let's just say it didn't agree with his delicate tummy. Repeatedly. If anyone needs me later, I'll be shampooing the carpet, after bathing the dog. It's not his fault, I should have known better, and he did try to warn me that something was amiss, but I am clueless and preoccupied and missed the signals until it was Too Late. He feels terrible and is most apologetic.


And I've decided that I need to relocate for the sake of my knitting - I want to live somewhere I can knit with Cascade 220 much more often, for just about everything. I love this stuff SO much. I'm nearly through the bright green bag, I can't wait to felt it and see how the colors work - there's a lot of yellow in the green, I think it will be very sunny and citrus-y. I also think that after I get through these three bags and accompanying mice, I will be done with this binge, and will move on to something else. I'm still in the mode of making things to give away - I don't really want any souvenirs of this negative, dark time in my life.


On that note, though I've been sleeping pretty well lately, this weekend was an Insomnia Festival - last night was awful, woke at 1 for no reason at all, couldn't fall asleep again no matter what I tried, finally did, woke again an hour later. This morning it dawned on me - I didn't knit last evening. I think that really makes a difference - just like meditation or prayer or yoga, knitting close to bedtime does something to my brain that puts me into a better sleep mode. I'm going to make a point of knitting this evening, and see if that does make a difference.


The new Knitty is out - I just skimmed it, I'll go back for a more detailed reading later. First impressions - cute, cute stuff! I noted that Rob's socks are made out of the same Fixation I used for the Barbie dress - Italian Ice - the dress, btw, was a big hit with the child's mother, I'll get a report on how the child liked it later.


And now I have some serious cleaning to do, before starting the round of phone calls, sorting through bills, and other business of cancer world, and before heading for the nursing home to actually spend time with my husband. The work of keeping things going and dealing with the bureaucratic issues sometimes pushes the dying person to the sidelines - and that is so wrong, but it's how it is.

My husband had a bad day today - very restless and uncomfortable, "awake" but confused and demanding and out of sorts. Therefore, I had a bad day too.


So it was good to come home to a pile of boxes outside the door - Amazon had sent my diet books - they sent one via UPS and one via USPS though they were in the same order. Amazon works in mysterious ways. Whatever, I'm glad they're here, I'm looking forward to reading them and getting started.


The best box was the one from Threadbear: my Cascade 220 fix is here!


Whoo hoo! Those guys ship so fast and are so friendly, if they have it, that's where I want to buy it.


Remember (my blog is so fascinating I know you are hanging on every word, so of course you remember) my friend's small daughter, who was going to be darn disappointed that Aunt Catherine made something - but it was for the cats? I fixed that today.
Barbie's new tube dress
.
The yarn is Cascade Fixation, which has been languishing in my stash since I made a pair of socks from it and decided I didn't like it. It is, however, perfect for Barbiewear for a preschooler - since it stretches, it makes the dress easy for little fingers to put on and take off. It was very fast to make, I whipped it up at the nursing home in between my husband's bursts of activity.

The pattern is here Barbie's Tube Dress. I cast on 32 stitches on size 5 needles, it fits just right, but I'm not happy with the slight ladders left in the Fixation. I never get ladders when I work with double points, except when I use Fixation. Another reason I don't like it much. But it's fine for a 4 year old, she'll squeal and enjoy it and not notice. It was so fast to make it, now I want to try the full skirted "party dress" pattern on the same page.

In response to popular demand (from Bess, anyway) and because Blogger always eats my archives so God knows you'll never find it there, here's the site for the mouse pattern: Felted Mouse.

As exciting as watching mice dry.
Proof that the internet is a crapshoot, as if it is still needed - you can visit Bess and see an interesting and well written travelogue about her vacation, or you can come here and see: mice drying. (Oh, and a spot of grout mold I need to address - hey, it's Florida, somebody used the shower, mold grows before they towel off.) It's actually a fair timeline of my week - each mouse represents roughly 40 minutes of nursing home knitting time. Each bag represents roughly a day. Add in the nursing home and other waking hours spent NOT knitting, and those are considerable, and you have my week. Note the one elongated blue mouse on the upper right of the mouse array - that one needs another Magic Kenmore Ride, he ain't done yet. I like these plump mice better than the more ratlike earlier versions. Do ignore the stray strands hanging from just about everything, those will be trimmed off.

On felting mice - yesterday I threw the latest Pink Lady and matching mice into the washing machine, vs. felting by hand - I definitely prefer the machine felted version, it's much tighter, and the mouse came out smaller and rounder. I don't think any amount of hand-thrashing can do it as well as my 11 year old Kenmore. I'm going to give the unstuffed mice a spin in the machine too, to get them into better shape.


Meanwhile, I'm giving away mice almost as fast as I can make them. My sweet retired neighbor has three lovely cats, all adopted from Petsmart like mine - we were talking the other evening and I offered her some mice. I ordered more yarn from Threadbear the other day. Rob promised me a yarn fix by the end of the week, USPS permitting. Good thing, too, because I'm developing the shakes as I contemplate running out of Cascade 220. My goal is to have a half dozen bags and at least a couple dozen mice stashed for the fall festival - bags aren't a problem, I'm not giving those away left and right (so far), but the mice are running out the door.


Still more meanwhile, I have three mice set aside for my friend's cats, and she mentioned to her 4 year old daughter that "Aunt Catherine is making a present," and I thought uh-oh, I'm not sure that "a present for the cats," is going to seem like a present to the child! I'm going to go through my stash and patterns this morning, before the nursing home, to see if there is anything I can whip up for her to accompany the cat gifts.


An update on my husband: I wanted to wait until I had given the kids a personal update, which I have done, I didn't want our daughter reading the latest on this blog rather than hearing it from me. My husband's condition is deteriorating further, he's sleeping almost all the time now, he's not eating and it's difficult to wake him. I am not sure he recognized me yesterday - or, more correctly, I think he knew who I was, but had no emotional response to my presence. One of the brain tumors is positioned in a way that the damage is like a lobotomy - in this case his emotions are basically gone, and he only responds to physical sensations - if the nurses have to move or reposition him it sometimes hurts him, and he still can speak clearly and complain about it, but he doesn't try to communicate anything else. I am at the nursing home every day, but I don't stay around the clock. Not to get too clinical about it, but his vital signs are still pretty strong and this could go on for some time, so I don't want to burn myself out prematurely. He's receiving good care and does not appear to be suffering. That's as good as it can be right now.


I'm fine. I'm sad, I'm tired, the days are incredibly long and difficult, but in a sense, it's almost a relief that this two year hell is almost over. I'm looking forward and thinking of changes I need to make in the coming months, everything from refinancing the house (finally!) to landscaping the backyard, to signing up for real estate licensing classes and getting my damn license back - I let it lapse ten years ago when we moved out of state, and now I'll have to go through the course and take the state exam all over again. I'm not planning on "quitting the day job" anytime soon, but it's nice to have a fallback position ready just in case.


Right now I'm purging the house of carbs and looking forward to starting the "South Beach Diet" - the book should be here tomorrow, I ordered it from Amazon. I'm still cringing about the name "South Beach Diet" - it sounds SO trendy/fluffy/faddy, but it's actually the diet developed at Mt.Sinai's cardiac prevention unit in Miami, and after reading about it, it sounds both do-able and medically sound. I don't have a lot of weight to lose, though I could stand to shed 20-25 lbs, but I do have a family history of heart disease and diabetes, and I'm hitting the age where these medical problems may start to be an issue. I've read a LOT of research that supports the idea that controlling carbs is far more important than controlling fat to prevent those problems. It makes sense to me, and as I said I'm facing an enormous lifestyle change, so I might as well start off on a healthy footing. I can see where it would be very easy to do what people seem to expect and wallow in the "Tragedy" of all of this - in fact, there's a few people who seem to be wallowing for me, and never cease to remind me of what a terrible tragic figure I am, "too young to be a widow," and all that. The biggest annoyance in all of this is dealing with people who are watching me like a lab experiment, waiting to see when I'll "crack." Some days, particularly at the office, I felt like I was surrounded by drama parasites, people who were getting off on my situation in a vicarious way. I'm half-dreading going back to work, because I am going to have to scrape these tragedy ticks off my body every damn day. If I do crack, it probably will manifest itself by my beating the crap out of them. :-)


So that's the update. When I get myself organized, I will post pictures of the growing Pink Lady bag collection, among other things.

A long rambling entry to follow - I'll put the knitting stuff up front, so those who don't care can skim and move along.


Murphy's little nose is way out of joint about these catnip mice - he steals and cuddles them every chance he gets, it's hilarious. I MUST make him a teddy bear of his own ASAP. Meanwhile, I'm cranking away on Pink Lady bags - I completed and felted the blue one over the weekend, and just finished a chocolate brown version. I had a hard time kitchener stitching the handle of the blue bag - I was at the nursing home at the time, my husband was very restless, and the ability to kitchener stitch is obviously impaired by stress (that was the day of the Overly Friendly Couple in my previous entry). I had to rip the damn handles out three times, and finally sat down at home yesterday morning and stitched it up right. Who could believe that EIGHT stitches could be so hard to finish!? I think I need to stick to my mice at the nursing home. I think I'm going to order some bright colors of Cascade 220 from Threadbear this week. I found some Mary Engelbreit buttons at JoAnn's, and they are just perfect for these Pink Lady bags and my targeted customer base - the herds of middle and high schoolers who show up at the church fall festival, allowances in their hot little hands. End of knitting stuff. I make felted bags and felted mice, it's all I can do these days, sorry it's so boring.


Great accomplishment of my weekend - toilet repair. The master bath toilet's flusher-parts had decided to quit working. Our lovely Florida water eats right through them; it's fairly normal to have to peform a complete toilet-flusher transplant every year. I've never had to deal with this myself - my husband was a virtual Bob Vila, he could do anything around the house - plumbing, electrical, tile, you name it - and he LIKED doing it, so I was glad to let him. This was my first time solo-ing on a toilet guts transplant, and I am proud to say I figured it out, got it done with a minimum of cursing, the toilet flushes again, and nothing is leaking. Go me.


Other news - after some limited success on Weight Watchers, I have hit a plateau that shows no sign of budging. I lost 11 pounds on WW, very, very, very slowly - then I gained back a couple. Then I lost them. Then I gained 4. Then I lost 3. Basically, I've been at the same weight now for months, and I'm still roughly 20 lbs from where I want to be. I'm over it. I am going to try the South Beach Diet. Hate the name - maybe in other parts of the country it conjures up Beautiful People, but it makes me think of Trendy Overpriced Restaurants and Silicone Boobs Everywhere. Bad marketing name aside, it sounds pretty good, and sensible - a more laid-back Atkins approach, more balanced. Poor Dr. Atkins, he didn't live to see the recent news stories vindicating his theories about his diet. And it's time for me to get real and stop pretending I'm still 25 - I'll be 45 this month, with a family history of heart disease and Type II diabetes, and a slowly widening ass. Gone are the days when I can drop a few pounds by having salads for lunch, I really need a lifestyle change. And since I'm already in the middle of the Mother of All Lifestyle Changes, I might as well work on my health and eating habits while I'm dealing with the rest. It gives me something to focus on besides learning to do my own home repairs, right?